This is a long text and I just needed to get it of my chest no need to read it if you not badly wanna read some random idiots rant.
So I was spending a bit more than an hour last night watching like almost all EVE trailers because well a bit nostalgia. Man The memories like the EVE online quantum rise trailer man I remember when it came out I had just started eve out in late 2007 (Yeah I remember the learning skills) Man that trailer was so awesome I saw the trailer 10-15 times that month it was released.
Man I miss the time when eve was new to me it all was to wonderful and new and epic it was just all great now I hate the game more than I love it. Yeah I love eve still but I cant stand playing it anymore maybe becuse I played on and off or 11 years or because all my stupid chooses and the need the always try to fill the damn wallet.
Man so many stupid mistake so even after 11 years on and off in eve I only have 1 character with like 7mill SP. My first ever character I made I deleted because I trained him so wrong he was like I can do anything but I’m useless at everything I can do.
My first Alt I sold because I started to get sick of only being able to do mining and hauling he had like 25mill sp so I made my third character who I also ended up deleting because I could never seam to find a corp I would fit in to so her corp list was like 40-50 corps I had spent like 2-4 weeks in so yeah Deleted her because well watching the corp history would scream SPY even if I was not a corp spy I rely could not find a corp to fit in It was always like I find a corp but no one is social at all or they are not social with new members. Or it was a corp where the CEO was never online so we could not do ■■■■ with out him on or it was a corp that 's rely small and got war deced and we end up camping in station all day for a week because im the only one with balls enough to lose ships and trying to take on 20-30 people. Or it was a corp that disbanded thanks to war or drama it was just a mess.
Then comes my 4th charater and she still around but thanks to skill extractors she has like like 5 mill sp out of 19mill sp man I sold and traded allot of skill points because I needed isk for plex and I made this char because well I feelt if I start a bit fresh maybe I will love eve again.
But man I can stand eve anymore and specialy not todday sure I can play for free but I rely wanna fly my ships but I can´t beacuse I need omega to fly them and because I have over 5mill sp im not allowed to train jack ■■■■. Yes I know 15 euro a month is nothing but it is allot for a man who lost hes job and has 0 income im not kidding I get 0 cash a month only reason I have roof and food is my gf pay that but her money is for the kids and her self not for me to play eve.
And making isk feels like such a pain man doing same missions over and over and over and over it´s like kill me and mining is like watching paint dry. Scaning and ratting in null sec is a no go for me I always end up losing a ship or to beacuse I always try to fight back so in the end I spend more money than I make sure I got 1bill atm so im missing about 800mill for 500 plex but then what 1.8bill to get 500plex but then my wallet is empty so I can afford a ship to do mining or pvp or pve or what ever.
But mostly everything feels so boring with eve I done that 5000 times so no not again pvp roams are fun but for some damn reason im always the first to die every damn time when we finaly find a fight after 4 hours looking for a fight so like 4 hours to find a fight and then I die first of every one and im flying the crapiest ship in the whole fleet.
But there is a thing that piss me of the most it´s the ships them self sure I can fly the ships I want but how they are balanced it´s always the ships I like the most is the crappiest of them all like hey wanna do level 4 missions best ships for the best isk per hour is like what is it now raven,tengu and what not but I like Megathron but no the Mega is like usless as hell if your going isk/h thing oh I wanna do missions in this new abyss ships no they are that good get a gila or raven or what ever. I wanna do some this in a NAGA man I love the Naga no it´s pvp ship mostly it´s like the ships I like is the most useless on what I wanna do.
The worst part is even after 11 years im so ■■■■■■■ stupid when it comes to fitting I always try to google fits but they are often outdated like hell man.
But yeah the biggest part I hate is my self I always wanted to try to fly a Carrier I always dreamt about a NYX ever sense I first saw one many many years ago but because my stupid brain I never got a character to get enough SP and yeah I wanna fly one now not it 1 and a half year of skill training.
Sure I can buy a carrier pilot but then I need 20+ bill isk plus I need the isk to get omega time and the isk to get a Thana/nyx. Man I can’t even get 1,8bill because I lose ships or I get sick of doing same damn mission so how the heck shall I get 20+ bill.
Man Im always unlucky I keep doing stupid mistakes I never find a corp so I end up solo playing every damn time I wanna play eve. Yet I wanna play eve because I love the game but right now I hate it more than I love it.
Also in away I wish I could ask CCP if I could get the charter I deleted back not because of the SP but for the memories I had with that character.
Yeah sorry for my ranting.