To the Admiralty Board of the Amarr Empire
The recent conclusion of the Admiralty Board to bring a charge of ruthlessness against me I have borne with the best tolerance I can, but now that certain of its councillors – including my good friend Thomas – have ventured to insult me as mad I must respond with my side of events, as mad I am not.
The purpose of this account is to explain, in terms any reasonable man should follow, the series of cause and effects that lead to my actions on that day and the destruction of the Brutor war boat. This will show how his insistent warmongering forced my hand when I had no interest in combat whatever.
On the day in question, I had dropped out of warp due to an emergency situation regarding my new overhead Aura projector. I had latently called up my Aura companion, only to be answered with a very peculiar rendering. She was dressed motley and was involuntarily moving to the most distasteful of music. The movement was very grotesque. I had no doubts over whence this problem issued. It was clearly the scoundrelled fruits of the previous owners tampering with the device’s settings.
The situation was rendered doubly irritating as I had personally and painstakingly refined my Aura companions’ parameters over the years to be that of an elegant lady. The juxtaposition of this with the projectors vulgar rendering filled my bosom with a deep disgust.
This happening served to excite me and my companion to a state of extreme upset, and so it was necessary to halt the vessels progress immediately so that I might rectify the matter. I of course would not have dropped warp had I known the area was Minmatar sovereign space. As I have now consistently made clear this was an emergency situation.
By mode of discretion, I positioned my vessel discretely within a gated complex, so that I could focus singularly on my urgent repairs. And no sooner had I finished my repairs and was sitting down to a well-earned meal with my correctly rendered Aura companion, I noticed a Brutor fiend had made good an entrance by force upon my position.
I was made to immediately abandoned my meal. I moved my ship to a position adjacent to his where I waited with restrained hand. He began making pronouncements to me over the wireless in a voice that was very commanding. He asserted his rank as captain and demanded that I explain my activities in sovereign Minmatar space.
I simply responded to him as best I could, but his erratic and trivial mode of conversation fatigued me considerably. I heard him repeat himself many times over the wireless, while I promptly returned to my meal which was now getting cold. I attempted to continue my conversation with my Aura companion, but at this stage I was enjoying the meal no longer and was instead becoming increasingly agitated.
After some further rambling and threats, the wireless went silent. And that is when I became aware that he had commenced to offer me violence with the firearms fit to his vessel.
Sitting half stupefied, I soon realized I was taking damage. Placing my cutlery down and attending back to my command panel I observed that my armour had been permanently disturbed, with a gauge running the full length of my starboard side. There was a series of tremendous jolts and violent vibrations to my ship’s hull as I continued receiving blows from his firearms. I was knocked to the floor, and violently struck my temple on the command panel. I arose, unsound of balance, and attempted to take stock of the situation. I could not fail but notice that my dining table had been fully rifled by the vibrations, and was as a result in a state of wild disorder.
My feelings of rage at beholding this were unbounded.
It was these feelings that propelled me to vow vengeance on this offending brute. I proceeded to tune my dual battery neutralizers onto his ship. A mere matter of a few flicked switches on my command panel and my emitters were blazing fierce arcs of energy onto his ship. The blazing of his hull in hues of red and blue was prodigious.
After a few moments I noticed that his firearms were only operating intermittently and were cutting out for longer and longer durations. I knew that my quarry was attempting to evade his predicament by rapidly alternating his systems and power sources.
I am proud to say that I rose to the challenge with vigour. I moved my hands over my command panel with confidence and with elegance. I composed a pattern of neutralisation that defeated every attempt he made to evade it. Excited into a crescendo, I loudly exclaimed over the wireless “I have you sir!”.
Again and again: “I have you sir!” announced I.
After a time, his power was cut off entirely, and I could well see it was dead across the board. As I watched him persistently and fruitlessly attempt to power his assault on me, I experienced strong emotions of disgust and utter loathing in my bosom.
Suddenly, I heard a fierce and shrill cry over the wireless. The swine hound cried out, overcome by a demoniacal rage. He offered personal insult to me. The words were very grotesque. I was taken aback; I felt an unsteady nervousness fill me. Indeed, my sentiment wavered.
But I wavered for only for a few seconds, as I then thrust forward again, grabbing my command panel. With a rampant confidence now filling my breast, I gave reply to the intemperate fiend. Not knowing precisely what I was to say, I simply shouted clearly and distinctly “No Sir!” and again “No Sir!”. I then produce a spirited cry of my own, one which bettered his in terms of volume, strength, and duration.
I listened carefully at the wireless, but this did not stimulate any response whatever. I heard only silence. Relieved, I disabled the wireless entirely.
What state was I you may wonder? As what then stole into my fancy was to send him to Hades. I then began vigorously operating my disintegrator upon his vessel. By slow degrees, his ship accumulated many holes and became less definite. I am not ashamed to admit that I smiled with glee at the sight of this. Before long I had rid myself of him.
And thus concluded my encounter.
There is little to report of the subsequent events, of my returning to Amarr Prime or the fracas that took place upon my arrest, as these events have been already well documented.
I would be grateful if you could take this account into consideration before the board next meets.
Yours in full faith,