So, the other day, after drinking myself into a stupor from my loses on T2 Triglavian production, I decided to head to one of popular capsuleer bars in Perimeter. While there, I began talking to this masked woman with a lovely voice, one thing led to another, and we ended up at her place. After a passionate 7.5 minutes of love making, we started talking about our experiences as capsuleers. This was when things started getting weird.
I talked about the typical stuff, like losing haulers in HS and undertipping restaurant staff. But she literally wouldn’t stop talking about Matari crime statistics and her affiliations with an institution called “Cut Gang”. I looked it up later, but found nothing. This was about the time I realized that her mask had never came off the entire time. Things became crystal clear, even in my sooth-sayer-wracked mind. This woman was a Triglavian spy.
After making excuses about returning rental videos, I made my way home, and did a quick search for her callsign, “Suitonia”, but only got videos of a middle-aged capsuleer with an irrational obsession with Kestrels. The weird part was that they had the same accent and similar voices. And that Tormentors were clearly the superior T1 frig.
I can think of literally no other possibility than that the callsign “Suitonia” has been hijacked by Triglavian forces for use in espionage. Please be careful out there, fellow pod pilots. And feel free to share any encounters you might have had with this entity.