I didn’t participate in this action out of anger. I didn’t participate in this action because it made me feel better. I didn’t participate in this action without thinking of what it meant, how it would be perceived, and the consequences I would suffer for it.
Anyone who says that this is why I participated in it, does not, at all, understand why I did.
I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to have to be part of this, or to have to live with this. It didn’t make me feel ‘cathartic’, it didn’t make me feel good. It made me feel awful, and horrible, and scared.
I did it anyway, because, in spite of what some people say, there was only one actual path available. Anyone that dares to attack my family will face immediate retribution.
This was not a failed attack. The intention was for a targeted, limited effect, which it achieved. It was not about starting a war, it was not about dealing damage, save for the symbolism inherent in the damage dealt. This was about sending a message. It was about standing up, making yourself look bigger, and roaring, to convince a threat that you are not worth striking, because you have the resolve to retaliate if they do, and the means to do so.
Several years ago, I was involved in the defense of a heron piloted by Scherezad as she was scanning a Zainou facility. A confrontation arose with an IRED fleet, which vastly outnumbered and outgunned us. I told the IRED fleet, in no uncertain terms several times over the course of the confrontation: If you fire on Scherezad’s ship, I will return fire. I didn’t want a fight. I had no means of winning one, and IRED were allies. But I had a duty to protect the person I had pledged to protect, and I hoped that the understanding that any attack on her would, by extension, be an attack on me, would stay IRED’s hand. But they chose to destroy Scherezad’s ship. And so, even knowing that I stood no chance of victory, I opened fire, and my ship was destroyed, killing a lot of crew and sparking a (brief) diplomatic incident.
Threats do not work if they are not backed up. They do not work when, in the moment of fate, you stand down. Showing resolve, acting, demonstrates to your attacker and to the world that you are prepared to retaliate. It demonstrates your conviction, your sincerity. My path was set the moment the attack happened. It is still set now.
It’s not even uncommon. Amarr Holders attack other Holders all the time. Half the terrorist attacks that take place are the result of some shadow power play, moves on a game board pushing some scheme or the other. I am quite aware of the fact that the attack on my family was very likely one of them, and my response very likely playing into their hands. I am not blind. I did it, knowing this, because principle matters. And I admitted to it, instead of leaving the figuring out of it to the calculations of noble strategists, because honesty matters.
I don’t even consider my participation in this to be an act of terrorism - though yes, I had the support someone who has the means and resources to do so (again, probably not uncommon in Amarrian circles, except my approaching it openly and honestly instead of behind webs of deceit). An act of terrorism was committed upon my family, and I allowed for an attack in response to show that that is not acceptable. Nor do I consider this to be an action against Amarr or the faith. Because the Amarr I believe in is one that is truthful, and honorable, and just. One that stands straight and true, honest and brave, instead of scheming in shadows.
I am still Amarr. I have not left it behind, even if some might wish I did. I am still sworn to God, and I do as my faith commands - even in this. Call me what you will, strip me bare and throw me aside as inconvenient, but I will always and forever be Amarr.
Now, finally, yes. Maybe Chakaid didn’t do it. Maybe, in spite of all the signs pointing to him, he didn’t do it. Well, it is good, then, that the attack was targeted and limited, instead of large and excessive, isn’t it? And it is good still, that Chakaid is a villain in other ways, a supporter of blood raiders and of false faith, who even without hands bloodied with the Kaihu bombing deserves even worse than what he got. The Royal Uhlans, of whom he is a commander, are even known for their use in deniable operations. They themselves are terrorists, who deserve Amarrian condemnation, not Amarrian patronage and protection.
