Its all good big guy! Im over it. Im being OVERLY bothered by someone who is two-faced and making me out to be something im not because she’s got her nose out if joint. And you are 100% right i do not make things better for myself by being reactive (easier said then done when bi-polar). The reality of it is my once boundless enjoyment of EVE online was soured by Laura a few YEARS ago, and soured by her and her alone. She lied, manipulated me, anf subsequently even when i tried to remove myself from the situation and engage my time elsewhere, she found Avenue to inject herself into a situation that did not even involve her in the smallest way. Despite this, and because at the TIME i looked up to her and cared about her opinion i tried and did fix the “issue”. You can personally attest that i try to consistently be genial and pleasant, you have necer once heard me in coms or otherwise ■■■■ talk or be anything less then helpful. So fine Laura has managed to get under my skin and i go and implode… they single and key factor in this is the ONLY reason this has bothered me so much is that i REALLY did like Laura I liked working with her, initially interacting with her was not just pleasant but fun and rewarding. I trusted her implicitly. Even when her actions began to feel unfair and things became difficult i still preferred to be nice. It got to the point that she was unreasonable and awful and every time i got a message saying “hey Jaha do you have a minute?”… I would feel dread and sick to my stomach. She never listened. Time and time again asked her to have a NORMAL talk on coms with me. NOT ONLY do u have extremely poor vision, but having both bi-polar disorder and on the autism spectrum make it far too difficult to communicate clearly and effectively through a purely text method. I get confused or lose track of the conversation (especially with long delays interrupting the flow of dialog). But still she refused always having some excuse like her headset not working. So ultimately at the end kf the day sure she’s a ■■■■■ and for all intent and purpose i look like a bad guy and then shoot myself in the foot by getting upset. But i never did ANYTHING wrong in the first place OTHER then doing her dirty work, and i got thrown under the bus. If ANYONE could ACTUALLY find someone in the game that have had poor interactions with me or a single unpleasant conversation id be surprised. Unless im secretly having a second personality that’s a total asshole. Even DIFFICULT interactions i have in life or in eve i try to be conscientious about and resolve them or try to use them to constructively move forward in a positive way for both people. I LIKE Problem solving, i LIKE conflict resolution. I don’t avoid arguments because it’s healthy to argue and come to consensus.
At the end of it all its more disappointing then anything to have something I enjoyed so much, be so totally ruined because of one person and my allergic if not overblown and exothermic (for lack of a better word) reactions to her and her actions. And i absolutely agree that i made it worse for myself by engaging with her AT ALL. And that only lends itself to having me LOOK BARELY, it makes it easily to spin the situation to make me appear at fault. Should i care what Laura or anyone thinks? No. Do i care?
When it comes to people like you or sikandar Cole, or Brann or the lovely misfits in Fwedit and a LOT of the people in IRON, and many Unitas past and present… yes I Do care… very very much, probably more then you csn imagine and for sure more then i should . I have spent a VAST amount of time in the game… and i have ALWAYS ALWAYS tried to be fair, and helpful, and generous with my time and my isk… even to complete strangers. But not that any of that matters in a game like eve with people like Laura that are far better at spin and politicking then I am. I appreciate your message and have always and will ALWAYS Appreciate you and any interactions we have had both in game and in real life. I think you are a truly lovely person, and you really do always mean well and I have never once seen you act with any less then the best intentions. All the best to you and the Mrs Doctor and LITTLE Doctor too. Thanks Jurius… you’re one of the good guys.