FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
HOLY FURY UNLEASHED! LADY ABBESS SISYRIANA KAHOUDI PURGES HERETICS IN EPIC SHOWDOWN!
Mehatoor, 24th Imperial Crusade Station, Amarr Empire – October 7, YC 127
In a scene straight out of a divine blockbuster, Lady Abbess Sisyriana Kahoudi, the firebrand Mother Superior of the Order of the Little Sisters of the Most Blessed Sword, stormed the sacred grounds of Gottin’s Lamp yesterday, wielding an electronic scourge to drive out a gaggle of sedevacantist heretics defiling the areas of the station outside the LUMEN hangars and Gottin’s Lamp with their scandalous shrines! The revered Holder, Prioress of the Mother House on Sarum Prime III, and Dominatrix of the Finishing School on Hama II, turned the hangar into a battlefield of faith, leaving jaws dropped and bobbleheads shattered!
Eyewitnesses report a “spectacle as Sisyriana, flanked by her fierce sisters—zealous Sister Miraleth, prayer-warrior Sister Theodora, and silent-but-deadly Sister Lysara—unleashed holy havoc on the sedevacantist rabble. These misguided fanatics, obsessed with their so-called “Mother of the True Emperor” Yun-Hee Yubari, had littered the grounds with tacky posters, candles, and—gasp!—bobbleheads. Fueled by the deranged rants of the so-called Doctor of the Faith Nauplius, whose heretical sermons have tongues wagging across the Mehatoor system, the heretics thought they could turn Gottin’s Lamp into their personal shrine. They thought wrong!
“Blasphemers!” roared the Lady Abbess, flipping tables like a divine whirlwind and cracking her electrified scourge with righteous fury. Sources say one defiant heretic, clutching a garish poster, dared to challenge her, only to crumple under a zap from her scourge, crying out as he fled. “It was like watching the Empress herself cleanse!” gushed an onlooker, still trembling from the sight of Sisyriana’s wrath. The sisters tore down the heretical displays, smashing shrines and shredding posters in a scene one witness called “a holy demolition derby!”
Critics of the sedevacantists are cheering Sisyriana’s crusade, with one Amarrian priest declaring, “This is faith with teeth! The Lady Abbess has shown these heretics the true might of the Empire!” Meanwhile, Gallente gossips are already dubbing it “the Scourge Showdown,” and Minmatar voices are snickering that the sedevacantists’ “divine peep show” just got canceled—hard.
As the dust settles, the area stands purified, a testament to Sisyriana Kahoudi’s unyielding devotion. The Little Sisters of the Most Blessed Sword have sent a clear message: heresy has no home in the Amarr Empire. But whispers persist—will the sedevacantists slink back with more bobbleheads, or has Sisyriana’s scourge scared them straight? Stay tuned, faithful readers, for the next chapter in this celestial saga!
Contact:
Sister Theodora, Press Liaison
Order of the Little Sisters of the Most Blessed Sword
Email: holywrath@sarumprime.org
Faith or Fetish? You Decide!
See and Hear, Your Source for Interstellar Scandal!