[Semi-Jokey] Reasons a new player shouldn't play Eve

I have seen many a post like this and thought I’d make a slightly funny one, covering literal reasons someone shouldn’t or couldn’t play. Not a troll, just some dry humor, like the Sahara.

Let’s define a new player. A new player, if we are talking new new, then they would be a teenager like myself. And this points out the first reason.

1.) Time If you are a new player (teenager, student of some kind) then you shouldn’t play Eve due to the fact it takes time. I am the average teen more or less, and I go to bed around 1 am, and wake up at 6 am because school has gotten more demanding over the years, also kids get jobs a lot earlier now. They likely won’t have time to play the game and if they do, it would be frigates for years. (this carries over to college students too, I guess). You’d probably fail your classes if you played this game, 1 hour turns to 2, then 3, etc.

2.) Addicts If you are the kind of person that plays Mobile games and can’t stop from buying that new outfit, or you are one of those rare people that send $10K on cosmetics, then you shouldn’t play this game because you would go bankrupt! :smiley:

3.) Even Younger Let’s say you are young, like traditional minecraft player young, having the time to spend hours on gaming. You have likely had this reaction to griefing… and if you thought it was bad when you lost your diamond boots, wait until you lose a titan

4.) Psycho/Socio pathy If you have ever robbed a convenience store with a Cat Machine Gun, then Eve is probably not for you, you’d have too much competition. However, if you Ride Your Dog around town and wear a tin foil hat, then the more the merrier :slight_smile:

5.) I ran out of funny ideas

How dry was the humor?

  • Hey! Look! An ocean!
  • Feels like a slip n’ slide
  • What dry?
  • Meh
  • Dry
  • Desert
  • Perfect Martini
  • Feels like the Devil’s butt crack

0 voters

Now, this is seriously unhealthy, especially at this young age.


some of it was funny especially the addicts part. This part in particular was amusing to me as its the exact opposite of what i’ve seen. School is not as demanding as it used to be, even at university level some of the coursework handed out can be done within 2-3 days and still end up with a decent grade, unless you are working on a final year project or thesis. if true, that sleeping pattern itself needs to be extended by at least one hour. The human body can handle 6 hours per day, but its preferred that it gets at least 8 hours for comfort and for some who over sleep suffer from headaches due to this.

I dont think anyone who has since left exceot the review board can say if school work is harder or not.

The perception will always be that its easier.

How about the fact that the game also gives you a slanted view of society in general. Yes, normal society is littered with sociopaths that we encounter every day, but Eve’s population skews way way over the average for deviant anti-social people.

Outside of crime, politics and large corporate business (all pretty much the same thing, actually) , no place in the real world celebrates and rewards anti-social behaviour as much as the caretakers of Eve do.

Basically in the UK we have GCSE qualifications on subjects similar to what is taught in US high schools. The key subjects English and Maths are a requirement for certain jobs / courses and if you took the GCSE’s more than 4 years ago you’d need to redo the qualification to ensure that you are at the right standard. This is also focused at students who didnt do the qualifications initially and also immigrants. So comparing the notes / mock exam questions taken initially from the GCSE’s I obtained, to the same from my siblings and preforming a comparison against the notes and actual exam taken during the GCSE retakes. It was pretty obvious there was less and less information being shared from the tutors to the students and the actual exam was much easier compared to what it used to be.

thats one of the things that makes eve what it is. when i started back in 2005 this was the 2nd mmo i ever played and during the first month of playing i got a real shock of how some of the player base were. Hell even a friend of mine back from '94 started playing eve just before invention came into the game and ripped me off for about 500mil isk which was the value of the interface item you needed to invent gallente ships alongside the bpc and datacores.

In the UK we have different tests depending on what region/home nation you are in, not just one.

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That’s a good one, i’ll have to think of a way to add it in

updated to include sociopathy

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