Whistleblower Blows Lid On Can Of Worms, Spilling Beans About Invertebrate Wrestling!

A recent scandal in the snail racing fraternity in the Khanid Kingdom has turned the spotlight of publicity onto the minority sport of invertebrate wrestling in the Federation. Gutter Press has received an account from a whistleblower in the Morthane Giant Invertebrate Wrestling Association, alleging a litany of complaints about predatory behaviour by management, sexual harassment of employees, and shoddy promotional merchandise !

Snails !

The sport of Giant Snail Wrestling originated in the Morthane region of Gallentia, where the infamous despotic empire of Morthane frequently held public spectacles of Morthanian Swamp Snails wrestling with captives, including Garounians taken as slaves during and after King Rouvenor’s crusades against Morthane.
The modern snail wrestling sport is part of the wider Giant Invertebrate Wrestling scene in Morthane and is broadcast on holo-vision to many worlds of the Federation. In these events, marketed as “exotic entertainment”, large invertebrates, some gene-engineered, engage in wrestling bouts with scantily-clad or often nude women. The majority of events feature Morthanian Swamp Snails, with Desert Worms, and Forest Beetles also appearing.

Management !

The whistleblower that spoke to Gutter Press alleged that the management of the MGIWA engaged in several types of coercive behaviour, most of which breach Federal employment law, up to and including murder of participants who refused to agree to disadvantageous contracts !
“Management wanted the trainer of one of the popular snails to sign a new contract that would have surrendered their rights to their own likeness. They refused, and less than a week later, the snail was murdered, shot through the heart with a salt bullet !”, claimed the whistleblower.
“Another time, one of the wrestlers wanted a percentage of the gross when their contract came up for renewal, and then they had a career ending injury when a forest beetle flipped them out of the ring and the safety mat didn’t work properly”

Harassment !

The whistleblower also claimed that sexual harassment of employees was commonplace, with management ignoring concerns from wrestlers about problematic comments made by spectators at live events, match officials touching wrestlers inappropriately, and even instances of sexual violence perpetrated by snails known to be overly aggressive !
“One wrestler I know was assaulted by a snail after a match, who pinned her down and molested her repeatedly until help arrived”, said the whistleblower.
“I mean, we all know the exhibitionist nature of the sport, but this sort of thing is too much !”

Merchandise !

The final set of allegations concerned the alarmingly shoddy nature of the majority of the promotional merchandise sold by the MGIWA.
“This vast array of crap is made by the lowest possible bidder on the contracts, and some of the materials are known to be long-term toxic to the environment. Some of it is even a biological hazard!”, claimed the whistleblower.
A Gutter Press agent inspected some of the promotional merchandise, and found it was indeed extremely shoddy, commenting that “Julian Flavours would be embarrassed to put his name to stuff of this low quality”, a most damning indictment.

Denials !

Gutter Press attempted to question management of the MGIWA about these accusations, but received no relevant response, a spokesperson saying only that “Got a cute figure Toots, you could totally make it as a wrestler if that journalism thing don’t work out for you”.

Opinions !

Gutter Press interviewed a number of fans of the sport for their opinions on these allegations.
“I don’t believe that one about sexual harassment”, said a malacologist at the University of Caille. “Morthanian Swamp Snails are, like most snails, hermaphroditic but when two snails meet, the larger one takes the female, not the male role, and they’re bigger than human women, so I can’t see a swamp snail attacking a woman. It doesn’t make sense.”
“If you look at some of the historical accounts, of when enslaved nude Garoun women were made to wrestle giant snails, it was even more exploitative than it is now.”, said a student of Morthanian history. “It’s nowhere near as bad now of course, since they have rights now. So do women.”
“The merchandise from the scene is so good”, said one fan. “You can buy bottles of mucus from all your favourite wrestlers. No, not the snails, that’d be weird ?”

Whatever the truth of these allegations, giant invertebrate wrestling seems set to remain a cultural fixture in some parts of the Federation.

Gutter Press. News.


I miss Julian Flavours. This kind of sleazy pseudoentertainment seems like something he’d enjoy.

From straight up harassment and assault of the performers this is genuinely horrifying.

These accusations, if found true, are really the lowest of the low. I understand and respect, history and tradition as much as the next capsuleer but it sounds like this industry really needs to go under the microscope.

How do the invertebrates feel about this?
Does anyone care?
Invertebrate Rights And Peace, yo.

Haha, snail wrestling.

I had a go at that when the circus turned up at our high school. It was like trying to fight a mattress, haha.

most biologists say that invertebrates don’t really have the brainpower to “feel” things in the same way that more complex animals, humans, or sophisticated machine intelligences do.

I’m not sure that a wrestling snail would even recognise the naked body of a gallente woman as anything other than “difficult terrain”, as it is neither a threat nor edible, so ordinarily the snail would just consider its texture and whether or not it is slippery enough to move on, like it would do for any other surface.

I am Unsure how Traditional this sort of Thing is. I find it quite Odd.

I believe @Charles_Cambridge_Schmidt is from Morthane. Perhaps he could Inform us if This Sort Of Thing is in any way Normal.

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typical vertebrate elitism!

Look at Big Vertebrate over here stomping on the little Invertebrate masses! Forcing them into combat for your filthy entertainment!

It’s disgusting I say!

Why wouldn’t it be? If you have snails, you wrestle them. Not only is it enthralling public spectacle, but there’s that age-old Gallente ideal of pairing up opposites for entertainment.


How are “Snails” and “Naked women” opposites ? What possible axis can be drawn, where these two things lie at opposite ends ?

Vertebrates and invertebrates. A species with (almost always) a singular sexual expression (genetically, ignoring modern science) versus a species with simultaneous sexual expression (in a vast majority of wrestleable snails, they are hermaphroditic).

Everything in the observable universe can be quantified as Snail or Not Snail.


I suppose I can accept that logic.

But I don’t have to be happy about it.


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