Story time, ladies and gentlemen!
Last night I wandered into a hole a few jumps from Jita in search of customers who needed drone party and torpedo deliveries, and lo! what do I see? An entire village of unanchoring citadels in J151615. It included a Fortizar, 2 Raitarus, an Astrahus. Being the enterprising delivery agent that I am, I thought, “We gotta return these things to sender!”
So, since no one was visibly online, I dropped an alt in a cargo-fit Orca into the hole and logged off.
A little background: I knew I was working from home today, and I had exactly one appointment. A one-hour phone call with my boss. SURELY THE UNANCHORING TIMER WOULD NOT EXPIRE DURING THIS HOUR.
When I logged on this a.m., the citadel village was abuzz with activity. Freighters were ferrying material to the one Astrahus on grid not unanchoring. As the morning progressed, more and more ships were drawn out of the Fort.
The frenzy culminated as my phone rang. My boss. We start talking.
Capitals start undocking. Wait–it’s a C2. They can’t–
They self-destruct.
My boss is talking to me about the budget.
The FORTIZAR UNANCHORS. THE ASTRAHUS UNANCHORS. THE RAITARUS UNANCHOR.
MY BOSS. IS TALKING TO ME.
I begin talking veryveryveryveryfast in response to my somewhat bewildered boss. Loot cans spew everywhere as the citadels vent their contents into space. I log in the Orca while she responds. My fellow delivery agents pile in and decloak.
My boss is talking. My Orca is LANDING. THE CLIENT IS TELLING ME I AM TOO FAR AWAY. THE OBJECT IS NO LONGER PRESENT. I hear my boss. I give up on the orca–but just for a moment.
Corp mate in chat: DROP THE FORT.
I open my inventory.
The Fortizar. is in. my inventory.
I’m fumbling at the keyboard. I’m clicking random buttons. I’m slapping at the goddamn tactical map as my Orca goes 25 percent structure. I click anchor. The goddamn thing! Won’t anchor! Until I name it!!!
vswlkdfjhsdkljfhalksdjfhaslkdjfhasdkjl ENTER.
BAM. The thing anchors.
The overview is a blizzard of loot cans. Corp mates are descending upon the cans like locusts. Another delivery agent scoops the unanchored Astrahus and escapes in his hauler. Their snipe ships are sniping. Ships are being stolen. I ditch my Stratios at a safe and return to steal a ship. I get a Praxis and am promptly rolled out of the hole. My corpmate gets my Stratios and returns it to normal space. Adhocracy finds the hole and tries to get in, and gets rolled out. It is ■■■■■■■ GLORIOUS.
I get through the work conversation. I think I still have a job. But the one thing I do know: for one brief glorious day, Hole Control was false advertising.
