[Camera drones circle a musical production staged inside a transparent aluminum dome erected on the gantry of a Gallente research station hangar bay. Flood lamps in the shape of belle epoque eagles illuminate LES FEMMES WONDREUX (a Jin-Mei girl group consisting of eight tall, slender, muscular women with dramatically different hairstyles to help distinguish between them).

Pairing patriotic tricolor coat-and-tail tops with short skirts, the women step and twirl through an overly complicated yet hypnotic dance routine while an orchestral band plays Eine Kleine Oom Pah Pah music.

The drones reach the center of the arrangement, where CANDIDATE NOH waits in an obsidian black qipao with a sapphire lily brooch. Three enormous tricolor artificial feather boas wrap her from head to foot. More enormous artificial ostrich feathers stick up from a gigantic chapeau.

Candidate Noh begins to sing in a throaty, masucline voice with overpowering nasal timbres.]

Noh: “Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii’m a Gallidoodle dan-dee!”

Les Femmes Wondreux: “Dan-dee!”

Noh: “Gaaaaaaaallidoodle do or die!”

Les Femmes Wondreux: “Do do do!”

Noh: “I left my home back on Amarr Prime…”

Les Femmes Wondreux: “With all that sunshine!”

Noh: “To bring freedom to him, her, they, them, you, and Iiiiiiiiiiiiii!”

Les Femmes Wondreux: “Him, her, they, them, you, and I!”

[Offscreen, a throatier, more masculine voice starts a sportsball cheer.

Waving tricolor pom poms, AMIRAH DAMALI, a stalky Ni-Kunni woman with an exaggerated hourglass figure, rushes the stage. She wears a blue-and-white halter above a bare midriff, baby blue skin-tight artificial suede tights that stop halfway down her shapely calves, and thirty pounds of polished turquoise jewelry.]

Damali: “Goooooooooh Freedom™! Gimme a ‘free!’ Gimme a ‘dom!’ Gimme a ‘free!’ Gimme a ‘dom!’”

[While chanting, Damali navigates the churning tide of slender Jin-Mei. The dancers remain indifferent to the stalky Ni-Kunni’s presence. Contrast between the tall, elegant dancers and the voluptuous character actress (made famous by the lusty martial artistry she showcased in vacated throne and vampire cult classic Scent Of Faith) are stark.

Reaching Candidate Noh, Damali cocks her signature hips.]

Noh: “You wouldn’t!”

[Damali busts her move. Upon impact, Candidate Noh is sent flying.

Two of Les Femmes Wondreux pirouette, perfectly, forming ersatz goal posts through which Noh sails. Damali shakes her tricolor pom poms.]

Damali: “Goooooooooh Freedom™! Gimme a ‘free’ gimme a ‘dom!’”

[Cross cut to a stage with white chocolate floors and walls.

Candidate Noh wears a white chocolate pants suit set off from the background with blue trim, a sapphire lily brooch, and a white chocolate bowler festooned with gold grape leaves and sapphire grapes.]

Noh: “My name is Gosakumori Noh, and I approve this message.”

[Fade to black. “Noh For Federation President” appears in a white, futuristic art deco font.]

“Brilliant, darlings! Brilliant! Blueberry espresso caramelchinos are on me.”


How impactful! How leaderly!

I know where my vote will be going, lovely!

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You are too kind, darling! And credit where due, I would never have thought of becoming La Presidente Galloise if not for you suggesting it as the only way to save The Cluster from Roden, ORE, and the rest of the Deep Bureauconspiry. A Great Wall To A Greater Future!

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