THE NEWS STORY CONCORD DIDN’T WANT YOU TO HEAR!
Transcript, 5.10.125 XBN TONIGHT: Is your local noodle shop a HOTBED for CALDARI TERRORISTS?
In a shocking and disturbing revelation, XBN has exposed that several Caldari noodle shops in the Federation may be fronts for Caldari terrorists. According to inside sources, these cells have routinely used the shops as a front for nefarious activities, including planning and executing acts of megacorporate terror.
Our confidential sources confirm that the noodle houses are owned and operated by the radical group known as the “Zefil-Keram Compact”, funded by their allies in the Kaalakiota Megacorporation. The Compact are said to be heavily armed and well-funded, with proven ability to carry out devastating attacks on Federation worlds. They are also known to be utterly fanatical, willing to fight to the death in their ruthless quest to snuff out Federation freedoms and enslave the cluster to corporate tyranny.
Many of the shops, which have become popular with Academy students and children, are rumored to have hidden rooms and secret passages that lead to underground bunkers and weapons caches.
“As a mother, I’m deeply disturbed by what the Caldari are doing”, says Phoebe Owens, a veteran and mother of four on Caille.
Some of the shops are even said to be connected to each other via a vast network of underground tunnels, allowing Caldari terrorists to move freely between them without being detected. Federation authorities are said to be investigating and arrests have already been made.
Here’s a Federal Police chief on Vey III earlier this week:
“On Thursday, May 4th, Federal Police in collaboration with Federal Customs confiscated armaments, ammunition and other supplies we strongly believe were to be used by the terrorist group the Zefil-Keram Compact in attacks within the Federation.
[ ]…In addition it is the belief that the target of today’s raid, the Suromaaki House of Noodles was the meeting point for handlers with a Kaalakiota spy ring currently active in the Viriette constellation and the Zefil-Keram Compact."
As outrage grows stoked by the shock waves of this revelation, many are calling for a boycott of all Caldari noodle shops until the matter is resolved. They argue that these shops should be safe havens for food and community, not centers of terrorism and violence.
“I don’t like noodles anyway,” says a concerned citizen on the streets of Caille.
Digging for the truth behind the truth, XBN hit the pavement to interview capsuleers for their opinions on the scandal:
Zentron Kalkoken > “Please don’t tell me you’re talking about those old folks that break their backs to make noodles in a push cart stand…”
Given recent events, no one can help but wonder what plots may lurk behind the seemingly innocent eyes of an elderly push cart lady.
We located another source whose voice has been altered to protect his or her identity, given the sensitive nature of their revelations and the real possibility of retaliation:
CONFIDENTIAL SOURCE> I’m going to need to hear Diana Kim’s comments… if she thought it’d kill Federals, she might be down for it.
XBN> “Are you saying Diana Kim has something to do with this?!”
Shocking notes followed by sounds of gunfire.
CONFIDENTIAL SOURCE>…once she learned of it, she’d assist.
Sounds of loud heartbeats and Caldari traditional drums.
XBN> “So she’s just the sort of person who would do this?”
CONFIDENTIAL SOURCE> “The only thing dangerous about Caldari noodles is when you order it at level 11 spicy”
XBN > “Is that some kinda code?”
Pressed to clarify, our source finally explained what he meant with these cryptic words:
CONFIDENTIAL SOURCE >“…Just don’t order it spicy unless you like pain.”