I am starting this thread because we need talking about mental illness as a thing and not not a thing. I tried to connect with the Suicide Prevention Day stuff, but it didn’t get me anywhere. I tried to find anything about anxiety and depression in the forum, but there were only a few loose crumbs of genuine discord (not the Discord that is a cute name for a link that I am always locked out of). On the topic of discord or bad news or even trolling, it all exists for a reason. Bad news travels fast not because of a few flawed individuals, but because being risk averse is a real part of the human condition.

It is only natural for comments to be negative. Text itself lacks tone making the natural default for people that the words are somehow a complaint. Now that you know this you no longer have an excuse to think the world is bad. It’s hard and not always fair, but we evolved to be the way we are, all of US. This means that life is real work and reason a conscious choice that requires real effort.

What are you doing? V “I wonder what that puddytat is up to now?”

A flawed coin can be valuable. Being a flawed human being means the chance to learn some valuable lessons. Better than skill points it’s like learning how to feel the ship not just click some buttons.

If being flawed somehow slows us down this is not such a bad thing, especially in a society that is so over stimulated itself. Look at the physical problems Americans suffer from. Look at how Americans die, it’s not terrorism or any other kind of violent death, it’s heart disease and diabetes. My depression did not stop me from being a soldier and a military leader, it did not stop me from being in Germany when the Berlin Wall finally came down. Ya, it was me I did it. J But not like the Angel wall I accidentally targeted, ooops. It is the self imposed physical diseases and ignorance that plague our country like nothing else. And, there is a reason.

I just heard (September, 2021) the President made the vaccine mandatory. With too many American leaders seeming to support those irresponsible enough to refuse to protect themselves and others in their community somebody had to make the call. Personally I feel forcing someone to put something in them they don’t want in them (sounds like my last date : ) is wrong. But, when my neighbors not only make that personal choice but brag about it as if hurting others is their right it’s easy to see how complex our society is and how complex the human condition itself is. I do not like mind altering medications, but I finally gave in to a pill that I can take as needed. And, it does help. More than drugs, caring people help even more. This pill only makes me feel better, it does not solve my problems, for that I have to face the truth, the objective truth. In the meantime running, walking, cycling; these things also help.

There is nothing quite like being told you have a problem that is in remission.
WTF doc! You mean I am not cured. The human condition itself cannot be cured.
How many sci-fi stories do we have to see or read before we all realize this. So what do we do? We embrace our condition, be it that of a ‘normal’ healthy human condition or someone a bit more flawed. My sentiment on “Equilibrium,” “The Giver,” “Metropolis” and all those stories that are my passion follows. The perfection of ALL our imperfections it that we, humanity, will always be employed. Jobs come and go as is their nature, but there will always be good work that needs doing. Our own President suffers from a speech impediment, no joke. He is there doing his duty (shut up Chandler) despite his flaws.

One thing about the gaming community that is often neglected is that so many of us are motivated by service and not greed or violence which we often pretend. Being flawed; physically, mentally, emotionally or even socially; maybe that gives us an edge over those who can take life more for granted. Believe me I don’t wish illness of any kind on any body. I have had to start my own personal Project Lemonade because of all the fear, anger and hate; even if it is from only a few million people in the world; I need to act, to be part of the billions out there. Service is my motive and I need to be allowed to serve and to act, not to turn a frown upside down, but to bring real joy and justice into the world despite what distractions I myself may suffer from.

How did I survive to get to this point. Hundreds and hundred of pushups would be an answer the Army might give, but it was also a lot of time to think and to write. I write every day. I wrote some of my best stuff when I was the most depressed. Know thyself is a powerful idea indeed. Knowledge and experience, some of which take a long life to attain, but it seems worth it now. I have never felt this way before so much better than I thought I could ever be. It’s not like getting high. It’s more like seeing more clearly, but only after figuring some things out for myself. The more I stick to my Training Schedule the better I feel and the stronger I get for real.

Sergeant Severe comes clean:

Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are.
Instead of judging others as a pre-emptive strike before they can judge you what if instead of expressing your thoughts, that are really feelings of your own, you understood the emotions being expressed first; theirs and yours. How do you feel about others respecting your feelings?

Everyone has an opinion and because of communications technology today we all get more than we would otherwise need, want or desire of other peoples words. A little help; if you are blaming someone else for your problems it is a way to escape responsibility for a while, but delusional thinking does not solve the problems.

What if; we are not rational beings with feelings but rather irrational creatures with the gift of reason. A gift we can put in a closet. A game; the next time you are commenting online count the number of comments, including your own, that are negative feelings. Human beings are a risk averse species. It is only natural that for us bad news travels fast. What if the real news about the world was actually very positive? Google Brain Games for more fun.

After, I spent this twentieth anniversary of this terrible event watching a loved one watch TV all day, while I hung out in the background flying my EVE ships. They began to gush not with meaningless thoughts and emotions, but with ignorant and uneducated expressions of anxiety.

After 9/11, 2021, I kinda wanna take on NPC’s like they are the Taliban. What is the flip side of suicide? Homicide. Learned that on the Ward. Also, I just watched American Horror Story and am feeling very severe. Full disclosure, these feelings were triggered to the surface by a white truck that tried to run me off the road in Cleburne County, Arkansas. You know who you are and I saw what you did.

EVE is my first MMO, but I come as a game player who has retired from gunrunning, I don’t even carry a gun IRL or in my ships (don’t tell anybody). Career agents have shown me how to kill online, and deal damage. This new American Horror Story for 2021 has this idea that a persons is either a overachieving narcissistic blood sucker or an underachieving angry blood sucker. A chemist working on a military project is doing research on the effects her little black pill has on the occipital lobe. It helps people see who they really are and the options are bifurcated. Either you see yourself as gifted and your gifts grow or you finally admit to yourself your are delusional. Real life is not bifurcated.

“But I being poor have only my dreams
I’ve spread my dreams under your feet
Tread softly cause you tread on my dreams.”
~ W.B. Yeats
from the Movie “Equilibrium” with Christian Bale
If you are into depression the Modernist Poets are the bomb.

The (false) idea in this installment of AHS is to remove all thought to make a soldier more lethal. As a professional soldier IRL I resent these implications. I get it horror and killing in a game or a story for fun and maybe to exercise a few personal demons in a society that frowns on death and violence officially. IRL the Army, and the Navy and the rest, can be summed up in a book by a Navy SEAL called “THE HEART AND THE FIST: The Education Of A Humanitarian And The Making Of A Navy SEAL;” a book about “what’s worth doing and how to get it done.” If you have anxiety, depression or post traumatic stress, time spent doing the right kind of reading and keeping a daily journal is an excellent way to exercise your demons.

The author of this book is not a big fan of getting high and/or video games. Options; I can grow up a little and accept that power and authority can be delegated but responsibility cannot; another real life lesson from a professional career not a Career Agent.

Life is not a game and EVE is a lot of fun for me. It is a true passion for me and these are my people, fellow humans who also struggle with social skills.

I say support the troops, but I agree with former President Eisenhower that we need to keep a close eye on the military industrial complex. Eisenhower gave us our wonderful Interstate Highway system, kinda the Stargates of America. EVE is a wonderful place to test some real world ideas or at least express ones self.

One good reason this diatribe of mine is so long; the sentimental and the cynical will tend to be hit and run. My goal is to be more thoughtful and that can take some time and patience.

It’s work on my part, but it also an exercising of my own demons and the hope I will help someone else. Anxiety and depression is not a game and neither is living in modern so called civilization. Billions are living in faith, hope and the giving of themselves; especially as we cooperate our way through this still quite deadly pandemic. The millions who live in fear, anger and hate have their own reasons for doing so.

I do not judge, I do not call names. I just write, do my good work as best I can and look forward to flying my ships rather than getting distracted by the drama of my family and the world, whom I love. They are not really so bad.

Commenting online is not what most healthy people do. They get a life, take on real responsibilities. I am here in Arkansas taking care of family with it’s own stories. Can’t wait to get back to the coast and my friends there.

But, I still cannot look at an NPC right now glowing red and not see the Taliban; not just as something evil, but something to take my frustrations out on. Domestic terrorism, IRL, already working on that one, humanely.


No we don’t. This forum is for a scifi MMO, and I am really not at all interested in your opinion on whatever president Dementia is proclaiming from the White House.

If you need help, reach out to Real Life people around you and/or your local healthcare providers.


I really hope that you not only find the help that you need, but also be able to see why some people might disagree with your point of view and still be rational and good people. However, this is not the place to look for help with suicide prevention or express your political views. Honestly, it is very much the WORST place that you can choose to express those sorts of thoughts.

I honestly wish you luck. Go find help in the real world.


Hey LionheartTSP,

I just wanted provide you some information since you mentioned the Suicide Prevention Day.

In EVE we have a community/program called Broadcast 4 Reps

Their summary highlights what we about in Eve, a community over anything else.

We talk a lot of crap to each other. We gank you. You pod us. We blob you. You take our Sov. We post losses on the forums and subreddits and laugh at each other and go off in local chat.

That’s all in the context of playing the video game. The trolling ends when you Broadcast 4 Reps. We are all part of the same community, and it is as awesome and diverse as it is because you are part of it. And we are here for you in your time of need just as you would be there for us in ours.

I’ll also attach some resources that may be useful for you or others. The more people that have access to this information, the better I believe

Broadcast For Reps Resources

Eve’s Subreddit Wiki
Prefer Discord? Join the server here Broadcast 4 Reps
Hotline Numbers - Hotline Numbers – Broadcast4Reps
Helping Others Online - Helping Others Online – Broadcast4Reps
Warning Signs - Warning Signs – Broadcast4Reps
Getting Help - Getting Help – Broadcast4Reps
Remember, here, you never fly alone. If you are having thoughts of suicide or self harm, or just need someone to talk to, broadcast for reps. Your community is here for you.

If there is anything I can help you out with, please let me know


Dear Antari Wildsun,

I hope you are well. You seem very rational to me, and you did care enough to say something.

Some people are always going to disagree with whatever anybody says; that is who we all are, that is the nature of humanity. Maybe you have a different view or could explain what I am trying to say better. There is a good chance you are correct and I am wrong.

The kind of help I am looking for, first, is not to upset anyone, but some people…
What are the odds?

The real world right now is being trapped dealing with family and dysfunction people I love. This takes a lot of self care. I have been to doctors and counselors, two medical centers, and more. Mental health issues don’t always have a cure, we have to live with them. Yet, society does not like bad news that they have to really deal with. I get that, we all have problems.

EVE is like the best medicine ever, but any escapism is only temporary. I also run, walk cycle and occasionaly climb cliffs; I don’ jump off them. I only go online in the evening for a couple of hours. I love flying my ships on EVE and that is about as far as my ambition goes. I am a computer programmer by trade and admire the work and genius that has gone into this endeavor.

The real world, I am a huge fan of; but, even the doctors and staff at the Eglin AFB hospital tended to assume I was standing on a ledge when I was not, or at least I did not think so. I was just there to get some medication even though I don’t like pills. Their behavior, it turns out, was better than any pill. By the time I got the subscription their kindness had already done a better job than the pills ever would. But I would relapse and the pills they gave me were way to strong. My regular doctor got me on the right dosage.

We all need to be on the right dosage socially I feel, and you may disagree, that is perfectly fine. Reacting to what we see online, not just in a game, it is a real problem for everybody not just those of us who with issues. Escapism in any form is only temporary. Writing all of this is what is connecting me with the truth. How do I know it is the truth; the closer I get the more anxious I become. It is very uncomfortable. Getting through to the other side is the goal, and getting there in one piece. It’s kind of like the woman astronaut who said; “Someday I hope to just be called an astronaut and not a female astronaut.” Not trying to be political. Mental health is real and it needs to be accepted as part of who we are like anything else on the Equal Opportunity list.

The help that I need is someone to talk too who is as intelligent as you obviously are. No joke, you don’t know my family and that is not your problem. EVE is more than just a game; the people I meet online are more like me than anybody I know. Bless you all and stick around you are needed.

POV? What is it you disagree with, exactly?
Also, I used the word President, not to talk about politics but to show that physical and psychological issues are a part of our society from the bottom to the very top.

The worst place to bring up mental illness; probably. But like so many in MY situation we are going to put ourselves outthere. Why? “Because the truth is out there.” Get it, Xfiles joke. Seriously, the mentally ill, maybe we won’t start standing up in restaurants and shouting our displeasure. Let’s hope society starts accepting us and not herding us off into corners or we might have too.

So far, your comment is the best, because it is real; how you really feel. Under those feelings there has got to be deeper story. EVE really is a community from my POV and their assertion. We’ve played, fought, acted up, acted out, helped with some research on this deadly global pandemic even. The kind of genius that made this game is the kind that can make this a better world. And, if CCP is actually bent on world domination, I have no hard evidence so don’t gank me on this, please.

Dear Not~,

First off, you stole my real name. Second, using the word president does not make me political does it?

I sought help from real people like you. I know, crazy right? Well, you kind of prove my point about comments so you are for sure not a bot. :slight_smile: Comments do tend to be complaints not comments and rarely are they compliments. Comments are almost always short. Passion exists in short bursts, like a PVP attack; while reason takes a lot more time and effort, conscious effort like learning how to survive in EVE. My point, it’s not just you, it is a perfectly normal part of the human condition.

You I trust, because you are not some canned program or professional with an agenda. I am a huge Sci-Fi fan too. Sometimes I imagine I have this extra lobe in my brain most people don’t have that craves science fiction. While this is my first MMO maybe I can contribute here the fact that I am not bringing any preconceptions of what an MMO is supposed to be. You want the universe to be a certain way, I want the universe to be a certain way. The odds are neither of us is going to get everything we want. If you have a deep story to tell you will tell it in your own time.

Sorry if the topic of mental health is a issue for you. You are not alone their either. Doctors, counselors, medical centers they can’t cure everything. My real world right now? Helping dysfunctional family members through some tough times even before the lockdown. They are so in denial about mental health issues they will never bring it up to their doctors or anybody, never.

Not locked out of nature, the real real world. Mental health is a daily issue that the healthy and unhealthy have to deal with every day. I write, take long walks, cycle and only spend a couple of hours a day online while I look in on my family. They are trapped in their own little bubbles like so many living in the post modern world. EVE is so much better for me than the politics, religion and ideology that so many are making there online game right now.

“Bad news travels half way around the world before good news get’s it’s pant on.”
~ Denise Hopper “Flatland”

EVE is the family I never had and it is that way for a lot of people. The real world is a hard place and we all need a little escape from time to time.

If you need a sci-fi fix, I got sci-fi. Escapism? I am the champion of drug free escapism.

I am glad you chose to share this story. It highlights many facets of how isolation and constant states of aggression will prevent the organism from properly orienting itself into a larger community. It also shows how the residual effects of those periods of isolation and constant states of aggression will take a whole community to help heal from.

I am glad you are choosing to help your family and become involved with the tangible world again. Escapism is the name of my game, as might be the case for many EvE players. Perhaps that is one thing most players will agree with, if having read these text walls: we love to escape.

I have been brooding over the necessity of escape in my own life recently. I have found it altogether much less necessary. I am happy you are maintaining physical excellence, as am I. I would not have been able to feel so good about life had I not started exercising (if only for 15 minutes) daily. If my life is becoming so good, then why the need for escape?

Perhaps ask yourself that question. Why live a life that needs to be escaped from? I am all about sustainable escapism, which is why I enjoy EvE: it’s a great escape and costs next to nothing. In the end, I only need to play the game on my off days when I have nothing else going for me, or after work, to feel better about swimming in a world of sometimes-idiots.

Therein lies my problem: I’m surrounded by idiots. I work an idiot job and deal with idiot customers. Most of my friends are smart, but idiots in comparison to many EvE players (at least linguistically). I have some professional interests that I am pursuing aside from my “job” that I hope will begin to open new opportunities for me to work in a less “idiot” minimum wage-type field.

My biggest problem seems to be a misalignment with my ego and the reality surrounding me. I am clearly the smartest and most aware person I know IRL and I come here to feel humbled. My inflated sense of self-worth also makes me a perfect target for ridicule, since other people need to do the humbling job that I lack in doing myself sometimes.

Just maybe my beliefs are not 100% true and set in stone… Anyways, I hope this is a true story OP and I hope you have a great time dealing with all those idiots. Be sure to laugh a bunch and create your own sci-fi if you love it so much. Please do-- this world always needs more sci-fi.

I have removed off topic posts. Keep it civil and on topic. I believe Golem has covered most of what I would say in an earlier post. Thank you.

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It is so great to here from somebody who gets it. It’s

like when I ask for help in a chat and someone gives

an answer like the didn’t fully read the question. My

questions are not always easy and if it is too

complicated nobody asks for clarification.

Something that has helped me for a long time dealing

with some people concerns an incident were I was

nearly killed. My friend was driving and he ran a stop

sign. We were almost hit by the proverbial beer truck,

what a way to go. Instead of saying “YOU IDIOT!” I

simply said to my friend; “That was really stupid.”

Stupidity itself is not against the law and it’s not a sin;

good thing because we all to it sometimes.

Accepting others really helps us accept ourselves.

Sustainable escapism; I love it and am going to steal

that phrase from you; don’t tell CONCORD.

More Sci-fi is what I could have named a youtube

channel I just started but I decided on Space Angel.

I am big on health & fitness. I have found physical fitness is the relatively easy part which helps mental fitness which helps emotional fitness which helps spiritual fitness or what ever you want to call that next level that makes us whole.

Stay well and fly safe. I make it a point to once in a while just say Ahoy! to other ships when they are around. It’s not in my nature to bother other people, but maybe I need to do it just a little. With this topic I seem to have done it a lot, but not enough. People are still going off the rails, not reading not listening.

Beware expectations, seek aspirations.

Your friend,

Lionheart the studio poet

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This topic came up perfectly for me today. I was forced to turn in my resignation at work, in front of all my co-workers. the manager was sputtering out about me facing sexual harassment charges (which if that was the case, should have been dealt last year when it was supposedly mentioned)

and to top it all off, since the meeting was outside of where i work, and not in the building, the manager thought it would be really cute to just pull a non-holstered pistol out and lay it on a coworkers car, then start talking like a thug and she’s street etc. then halfway through the meeting laid the pistol on the ground not point at anybody, but sitting close to it.

then decided to tell me new policies would prevent me from working there and turn in my resignation… so my anxiety and now depression is in overdrive… waiting to get clarification on what is considered brandishing in my state.


Thank you so much for being exactly who you are. We need people like you in this world. I’m at a loss for words other than thank you.

Extreme gratitude. I am humbled. Trust is so damn difficult, but, well, the video you posted said it best.

What a world. What a ride. I hope I live forever. I hope to meet you there.

It would be brilliant for you to update this thread with more of your videos. This is your thread, after all, and it will showcase a journey that will give inspiration to at least one more person than me, I’m sure.

I am aspiring to be an author. I get a feel that your words should also be published, in a more established package, of course. I will EvEmail you with any updates, should I actually get any work done in that area. I would also enjoy seeing any publications you produce, so feel free to EvEmail me about it. Or just say hi. I won’t mind and really don’t talk to anyone else.

Thank you again,


I really wish I had a response. I have deleted this thing four times now over the course of an hour.

Fck this other person. Obviously, I hope they pull that thing out again in another setting without you present and they get shot first.

All you gotta worry about here is forgiving yourself for your part in this situation. Continue this path of self-forgiveness onward towards the journey for justice, if you so choose to pursue it-- which I halfway think you should. I also halfway think you should do no further here and move on with your life, but could you still forgive yourself then?

Love yourself and beware of hatred. It is nearly the same as love, diametric only in appearance. Here’s a silly, yet somewhat scientific article:

You and only you are worth all your time and energy. Once you are properly taken care of, only then should resources be diverted outwards, for if the vessel itself is not full, it cannot pour into others. Your attention is your vessel being poured. Does it go toward this person who screwed you over? Or does it go toward you and your loved ones, if you are so lucky?

I can’t get anything else out. I don’t believe in delayed justice. I really wish I could offer more for you. Feel free to EvEmail me if you want to chat about any of your current endeavors, particularly anything creative you might enjoy.

I appreciate your boldness in sharing such a raw and real experience. That takes guts. I was trying to relate one of my experiences here, but am totally unable. To think anyone would care-- ha! Yet how greatly did I care about what you shared that I sat here for an hour trying to come up with something supportive to say.

Your trust and boldness will not be forgotten. Thank you.

Two bothers came back from the war. One of was fine one was not. The brother who was fine couldn’t understand his younger brother who he always took care of. They went through the same stuff, so what was baby brother’s problem? It wasn’t the terrible things they both had experienced. I was the fact of being broken and not knowing really why.

Anxiety & depression are like this. I could relapse at any time, it happens.


Definitely living up to your ingame name. If people need help they can look for it anywhere, even in a spaceship MMO.

If you don’t like people talking about their problems or reaching for help in a time of need… then turn away. But don’t try to diminish them for doing it!

You have no idea what their circumstances are, and you would be surprised how even a small kindness (or lack thereof) can make or break a person in desperate need of help.

I’m not going to say you should be ashamed for the abhorrent reply you just gave to a fellow human, but maybe next time try putting yourself in their shoes before trying to dismiss someone like that.

To everyone else:

As it was mentioned in a previous post, in Eve there is a channel called Broadcast4Reps, so if anyone is having problems and needs someone to talk to, you are welcome to join!

Don’t let people like NotTheSmartestCookie ever discourage you from seeking help wherever you decide to look for it!



I’d just like to talk about what helped me in my times of depression.

When I was deep in my depression I drank a Valerian and Passion Flower tea which was a massive help, it is a natural tea with no side affects which will help you get some very good quality sleep.

The thing with depression is that it is a cycle which must be broken. When problems hit our sleep is affected and then our appetite is also affected. There are lots of nutrients in Valerian which are found in common everyday foods.

Without good sleep our bodies won’t have had the time to perform it’s usual functions, this results in bad moods, anxiety, and can affect ones personality. If we don’t eat well then we won’t have the nutrients in our body to create/balance the hormones and brain chemicals needed for clear thinking and good mood.

Valerian can also help to rebalance your brain chemicals/hormones after drug or alcohol abuse, I have found that the amount of alcohol I drink has dropped since I started drinking Valerian tea. I just feel like I don’t need it and I am happy with a smaller amount.

Look, Valerian and Passion Flower tea will put you in a good position to make progress with your depression. Once you get a very good nights sleep you will have a slightly better perspective and you can build on it by learning more about nutrition, you will drag yourself out of bed and go join sports club, or do martial arts or yoga or keep fit class.

Just a bit of the science; we all have a chemical called GABA (Gamma-aminobutyric acid) in our brain which is how our brain communicates within itself. Now, Stress, Alcohol, Drugs, Trauma, Lack Of Sleep, Lack Of Excercise will damage the GABA that exists in our brain. So one may find it is harder to think and get motivated, completing chores is harder and one may develop mood swings and not be able to sleep,

Teas like valerian & passion flower give our bodies the raw natural nutrient needed for good GABA production. It also balances the adrenaline in our body which is very important, if we have too much adrenaline it can damage other organs in your body over a long time so it is very important to be calm and get good sleep and nourishment.

I know it is odd me talking about a herbal root to treat depression, it is a very gentle way to address the problem and it is a great start to getting yourself better.

Make sure you speak to a qualified Doctor and Herbalist/Nutritionist if you have concerns about trying herbs like valerian and passion flower. It might help to read some forums and google some information about these herbs. Lots of people have managed to turn around their life with a holistic herbal, excercise and nutrition approach.

Here are some herbal teas with similar properties to valerian;

Lemon Balm
Moringa Leaf

Good luck, I really hope this helps someone.


Thank you so very much. I would like to see us all talking about our health, including mental health, with out the stigma. We were just listening to Ricky Nelson singing from back in the 50’s. My mom could not help but remark he had taken his own life. Then she suggested it was drugs which was never talked about back then. We talk about smoking, alcohol and drugs now. We need to stop being afraid of our problems to the point we fear the very words. We all have difficulties in life. Being vulnerable is not the problem fear and discomfort are the problem. Let us all be more open minded.

“I know it’s really going to annoy me, but I just can’t help myself. Can I get you anything?”
~ Sally 3rd Rock from The Sun

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