o Your EVE Online story.
Baculus Orden was born on the sacred ground of Mt. Postgood. His birth was heralded by the appearance of a bright, goon-hued star in the sky. At his birth, the great black goose of Mt. Postgood made a HONK so powerful that it turned the leaves of the forests red and yellow, creating the season we now know as autumn. Also there was a double rainbow.
While still just a boy, Baculus Orden planned and executed the hotdrop of a dozen motherships onto a fleet of 500 Pandemic Legion mining apocs. This was most remarkable as it happened before Red Moon Rising, and motherships had not yet been introduced into EVE Online.
As a young man he was naturally gifted in the ways of the Rifter, the Cormorant, the Vexor, and the Caracal. Before he had ever even flown a battlecruiser, he had beaten a Rorqual to death with his bare hands in single-combat. But while transverse matching came as easily to Baculus as ****posting to a redditor, known space soon began to disinterest the mighty Rorqual Puncher. To prepare for his true destiny, Baculus was adopted by a group of monks residing at a secret monastery in J space, where they trained him in the arts of effortlessly losing ships, not being very good at PVP, and running out of POS fuel.
One day, Baculus emerged from a wormhole to notice a great commotion in K space. A cadre of posters from the northern reaches was losing a war against a grand coalition of forces dedicated to seeing any post longer than 144 characters erased from the face of the galaxy. Our hero would have returned to his hole happy to awox more “delivery men”, but when he received their SOS he noticed the insignia of a Hand Grenade embedded in their plea. He had seen this symbol before - the mystical birthmark on the middle of his lower back. The monks informed him that this was no accident, it was his ordained destiny to become a Goon.
From that day on, he would join his posting brothers in being a member of the GoonSwarm Federation. The Goons would teach him about industry, about the joy of making ships, the art of crafting spreadsheets, the sweet taste of victory, and how to be selfless in providing for his fellow posters (profit margins be damned).
But what the favorite son of Mt. Postgood would learn best were the lessons of Delta Sqad - the vibrant heart, the goodposting bastion of the GSF and its treasured allies. In their fortress at W6V, Baculus would learn from the oldest and wisest among Delta Sqad that the true joy of EVE is not just in pressing F1 and hoping that you didn’t get fleet warped when you had to pee. It is having a good time with good people, and building a community that cares (mostly about welping ships and posting).
Now, Baculus Orden, the shining sun of GoonSwarm Federation Ideology, seeks to bring the eternal science of Delta Sqad to the whole galaxy, and to CCP itself:
- No not believing.
- No not posting.
Hisec > Nullsec > WH > Goon
o Your areas of expertise. In which areas of the game do you feel you are the most knowledgeable? What qualities set you apart from other candidates?
I’m an economist and developer for a giant faceless conglomerate IRL. I’ve gotten to forecast realities based on real data, and build tools and models that have saved people’s lives - which is actually pretty cool.
This also means that when CCP tries to tinker with the economy (using a sledgehammer), I’m incredibly critical of the actions that are taken and the information that is and isn’t released to the playerbase.
I’m also the proud author of ABYSSAL ISK PRINTER GO BRRR: The Definitive Goon Guide to Abyssal Deadspace from Alpha to Omega, and it’s embedded room-by-room walkthrough, THE ABSOLUTELY DEFINITIVE PROBABLY NOT THAT BAD GOON GUIDE TO EVERY ROOM IN THE ABYSS. In it we break down fits, ways to fly ships, how to see a return on your investment, and provide general funny commentary on the experience of running abyssal deadspace pockets.
Everyone who’s running for CSM should care about community, so that’s not really something to call out here. What actually sets me apart from these other candidates is the mantra of Delta Sqad: No not believin. No not posting.
I believe EVE can get even better for ALL of us, and I will post about that dream every day until it’s a reality (and then probably a lot after, too). Oh and if the game does get better I will 100% take credit for it.
Cool guy, you should vote for him. I mean who else are you gonna vote for, really? Someone less cool? I didn’t think so.
o Why are you applying for the CSM?
To spread the Eternal Truth of Delta Sqad, and to keep sacred the Delta Sqad Secret.
That’s not enough? Fine.
I believe in service to the community, in advocating for everyone and hearing people out. I believe in seeking inspiration from others, creating a vision of what could be and working toward it collectively.
I’m also very experienced with working on great initiatives and projects and ideas, having them ignored by middle managers and corporations, and then getting them implemented anyway.
The current war has underscored the state of the game, and it’s shown us how some areas are suffering and stagnating, while others are actively pushing people away. It’s shown us how playstyles can get pared down to almost nothing, and emphasized a decade worth of changes - some great, some very not great. The CSM is the first line of defense, and one of the fulcrums by which we can shift the game to something that offers more of the experiences we treasure, and the new experiences we want to share.
Glutton for punishment, probably.
o What can players expect from you?
Lots of posting, and lots of candid communication about the state of things (as much as is possible under the NDA, anyway).
Someone dedicated to serving YOU, the EVE player and occasional good poster. But like… I’m not gonna make you a sandwich or do your laundry.
Someone who knows how to speak to developers and corporate stakeholders about why it’s in their best interest to make sure YOU are happy with the product.
Advocacy for everyone in EVE, unless you’re some kind of horrible troll or something. Those people are probably on their own.
Someone who won’t complain about ganking and gatecamps because it’s 2021 - how are people still complaining about this???
No not believing.
More than most of these jokers are offering. Plus, if you vote for me you get to be cool too.