The problem with your opening post ( which in general I agree with ) is that you have the retrospective hindsight of much knowledge and that’s something that tends to blur how one would oneself have responded to being ganked early on in Eve.
Most people joining Eve have never heard of ganking. They’re just here to check it all out…see what this ‘space game’ is all about. Some argue that getting blown to bits by a horde of 15 gankers shows them. I disagree. It’s akin to playing Half Life and meeting Nihilanth in the first minute when all you have is a crowbar. The point is not whether it is ‘fair’ or not, but that the game is already hard enough to learn and probably only 10% survive the first few weeks. It doesn’t ‘need’ to be made harder.
So I’d 100% agree with your post, in relation to careless old timers, whilst I can fully understand why for a noob a gank might just be the last straw in what’s already a tough learning curve.