GM Week – Item Description Contest!

Have you ever felt like your favourite item in EVE deserves a more fitting description?

Maybe a little more panache? Perhaps a spot of humour, or maybe a touch of edginess to it?

Fear not, glorious capsuleers, for you can now have the chance to make things right!

Starting right now, this thread is open for the next 7 days, until 00:00 on 2019/08/29.

This is the place where you’ll be able to submit your own ideas to the GM Week Item Description Contest!

For full details of the contest and the rules, read this devblog!

Also, please be aware that any posts that are not submissions for the contest will be removed from this thread!

:slight_smile:

9 Likes

Networked Sensor Array
An electronic interface designed to augment and enhance a carrier’s sensors. By redirecting power from offensive electronic warfare systems, the networked sensor array greatly enhances the resolution of ship’s targeting arrays and the sensor strength of the ship and its fighter squadrons. This module is commonly known as selftackling module.

2 Likes

Well, I kind of made a whole thread about this concerning some ship classes ._.

Oh well, I was prepared, I suppose ^^"

Marauders :

  • Golem : A highly modified version of the common Raven battleship, belonging in the Marauder-class, an advanced evolution of the common battleship, specialized in long deployement inside the enemy lines, but possessing bad sensor strenght, leaving the ship’s under the threat of being jammed.
    The hull was drastically improved to house the unique technologies that make Marauder special : a Micro Jump Drive pre-spooling array reducing the period between jumps, the double hardpoints innovation allowing for a handful of highslots to be kept for utility purpose and the Bastion retrofit module, acting much like Siege interfaces on Dreadnought-class capital vessels.
    Benefitting from the Caldari best minds in active shielding, this battleship hull certainly show one of the best shield boosting prowess on the subcapital level, able to take in a tremendous amount of punishement before letting damage leap in the armor.
    Developer : Lai Dai.
    Lai Dai manufacturing plants are reputed to let out in the wild only hulls with very little tactical specialization, but an excellent mix between all on-board systems. This pattern in their design was thrown out of the window when they created what made the Marauders even more unique : the Bastion module, revealed in a live broadcast, seen accross the four empires, where a second generation Golem, equipped with this new interface, survived the assault of an entire LDPS police squadron. Alongside the impressive missile and shield systems, Lai Dai managed to integrate for the first time in a Caldari design, the powerful Minmatar Target Painting technology, drastically improving the damage of the Golem.

  • Vargur : Sacrificing some internal space to provide enough room for Bastion operations, the Vargur excel at long range deployement in hostile territories, like all Marauder-class battleships.
    Making good use of the versatility of projectile turrets, this subcapital behemoth specialize itself in dishing out selective damage against a wide range of targets, while providing massive tanking capacities, perhaps the best to be found outside of the capital-sized vessels that lurks in lawless regions.
    This ship, based on the Tempest design, profit of all the benefits of being classed among Marauders : unique Micro Jump Drives cooling systems, dual hardpoints technology dedicating a lot of high power slots for utility purposes, and the built-in systems known as “Bastion Gates”, massive vents used to safely dispose of the even more massive power output of the Bastion retrofit module.
    Developer : Boundless Creation
    While Minmatar ships are generally the most versatiles hulls to be found drifting in space, allowing the captains to either make use of shield systems or armor platting, Boundless Creation decided to break their tradition of “firepower over eletronic and defensive prowess” by installing powerful shield boosting arrays on the Vargur, while still retaining the devastating effect of the manufacturer best projectile scopping arrays, creating a monster never seen before on the space lanes.

  • Kronos : The Kronos, true monster lurking within the Federation navies, is the doom of whoever might think itself strong enough to pierce its advanced plating and repairing nanobots, far enough not to get catched by the tremendous hybrid turrets fitted on its dual hard points, and fast enough to get outside of its range before the MJD propel it toward an oblivious prey. The compartiments on the bow of this vastly modified Megathron hull were completely stripped to house the famous “Bastion Gates”, entire parts of the ship moving to release the massive heat generated by the even more famous Bastion retrofit module into the void. Because of the integration of advanced dual hardpoints technology, a lot of high power slots can be used for utility modules. Combining that with improved tractor beams, this battleship can be turned into an efficient wreck Salvager while the guns chew through whoever might be suicidal enough to burn straight in.
    Developers : Duvolle Laboratories.
    Duvolle engineers are known to have a particular interest in the devastating power of blasters, will still integrating acceptable defensive systems in their designs. However, they were the pioneers of what made the Marauder class so destructive : the dual hardpoints technology, effectively doubling the damage of a single large turret, at the cost of being able to fit only four of them on a given hull. The Kronos was released at the same time as the Deimos Heavy Assault Cruiser, making Duvolle Lab the only corporation in the Federation to furnish the navy with a frigate, a cruiser and a battleship.

Electronic Attack Ships

  • Keres : The Keres is the Gallente take on advanced EWAR ships, under the Tech II nomenclature. This ship saw the sacrifices of important features from the Maulus hull on which it’s based, notably a reduction in thrusters power, resulting in a slower boat. Those were considered as worthwhile to implement what make this frigate so powerful in fleet tactics : long range targeted interdiction, using state of the art disruption and scrambling arrays. It is not defenseless, having enough bandwidth to use two light drones, but should rely on its allies to defend itself.
    Developer : Duvolle Laboratories.
    Duvolle integrated the best armor plating they could on such a small frame, while still leaving room for what makes Electronic Attack Ship deadly : their enhanced disruption capabilities. With the Keres, they saw the opportunities to combine sensor dampening and warp disruption in a single hull, a nasty situation for any captain trying to use range as their main defense. In Y115, scientific breakthroughs in components manufacturing allowed the Keres to be built from lighter and more powerful components, improving both its range and survivability and getting some more speed, sadly not enough to keep up with modern frigates.

  • Kitsune : An improved version of the Griffin, already known by most capsuleer and fleet commanders for its horrendous effectiveness at negating both damage and remote repair capabilities by shutting down the targeting systems of an enemy ship. The Kitsune take what made its predecessor so popular and improve it vastly. This include a superior jamming capabilities, improved raw CPU strength and an higher efficiency capacitor. At first, the additional target lock forced the engineers to redirect some power allocated to shield capacity toward sensor clusters, which proved to be a tactical mistake.
    Developer : Lai Dai.
    Lai Dai developped the Kitsune in the truest form of Caldari fashion : a support ship excelling in its role, but having very little to no use outside of it. This posed some questions in the ship’s design, notably with the presence of three launchers and one turret hard points that are rarely ever used, leaving the Caldari Electronic Attack Ship defenseless if caught off guard, since its engineers omitted the use of a drone bay. In the recent years, the Kitsune greatly benefited from improvements in its components, allowing it to keep that additional target lock and superior speed compared to the Griffin, while redirecting energy from the sensor clusters toward their original use : improving the shield capacity.

  • Sentinel : A strange vessel among Electronic Attack Ships, as for a class rumoured to have use only in the EWAR domain, the Sentinel raise some eyebrows with its large drone bay and somewhat average bandwidth, allowing four light drones to be sent forth in space. This little frigate also received state of the art armor plating, which could deceive someone in thinking this ship is in fact an Assault frigate. But the impressive tracking and energy disruption capabilities of this ship, often nicknamed as the mini-Curse, will surely give some nightmares to larger ships’ commanders. The Sentinel have enough neutralization power to drain completely others vessels out weighting it, while still getting away by disrupting their turrets or missiles application, and absorbing whatever could still reach its thick armor.
    Developer : Viziam.
    For a corporation that is only a few years old, Viziam already outpaced most of its competitors because of the support from the Carthum Conglomerate linking the two entities together. The love of the constructor for sturdy ships pushed their advanced Ewar frigate on the spot of one of the most durable one and successfully locked their position as one of the best furnishers for the Imperial Navy. The improvements made in Y115 benefitted the least to the Sentinel, as it was already a decent vessel before.

  • Hyena : Following the Minmatar tradition of using mythical beasts’ names in the Republic designs, the Hyena got its own from a Matar creature renowned for stalking preys and predators way bigger in packs, and often succeeding. This advanced EWAR frigate possess two highly effective systems, almost used in every fleet to this day : target painting and stasis webification. While this ship see a great usage in capsuleer combat formations, the improved stasis range is often preferred above the target painters, since stoping enemy ships to a crawl is generally preferred, rather than simply augmenting their signature radius, since both methods improve turret accuracy and missile effectiveness, but slowed down targets are far easier to catch up and hold down in place with warp disrupting modules.
    Developer : Core Complexion Inc.
    As it’s often the case with Core Complexion’s ships, the Hyena make a greater use of advanced electronics capabilities over the brute force of other Minmatar manufacturers. Core made a risky bet with the Hyena, as they decided to improve its survavibility by reducing the signature radius instead of directly improving either shield capacity or armor plating. This turned out to be quite profitable, as the researchs on lighter components of Y115 allowed the Republic Electronic Attack Frigate to be even harder to catch by high caliber turrets, while still holding down their enemies with the long range Stasis Webifier, and making them easier to hit for the main force with powerful target painters.

Normally, everything was taken from lore approved sources, like EVE Online Fiction Portal. I hope my participation will be approved, those ships really need their own description ^^"

6 Likes

Carbon
The perfect gift for that special whiny secret santa recipient.

Reference - https://kotaku.com/eve-player-acts-like-a-jerk-about-secret-santa-gets-se-1790287430

13 Likes

Strip Miner I

Original Description: A bulk ore extractor designed for use on Mining Barges and Exhumers.

Better Description: "After the development of the first mining lasers, ORE engineers quickly noticed that, due to low ore yields, capsuleers would be forced to use battleships fitted with eight mining lasers just to turn a profit. Consequently, ORE focused much of its efforts to develop a new, improved bulk ore extraction unit, that would allow for much faster extraction of ore. Unfortunately, due to its specialized construction, they can only be fitted on ORE’s Mining Barges and Exhumers.

Still, just two of these installed on any Mining Barge/Exhumer beats any Mining Megathron."

7 Likes

“Excavator” Mining Drones;
The best mining drones ISK can buy, and they cost quite a bit of that too! Usable only on the Rorqual Capital Industrial Ship. Falling out of favour with miners due to their slow speed and vulnerability, such drawbacks are however the joy of many Stealth Bomber pilots.

Oblivion Doomsday
Once upon a time, capable of wiping out an entire 200km squared space of pilots, now reduced to a pea shooter that barely tickles other capitals.

Warp Disruptor burst Projector
Capable of delivering a jamming field to counter enemy groups escape, If you can actually aim the thing properly that is.

3 Likes

Tayra

Realizing the Badger Mark II was an ineffective, bulky and unsightly design Caldari engineers set out to create a new streamlined ship with improved cargo capacity. With this in mind they came up with the Tayra, a sleek and alluring ship which any Caldari pilot would be proud to be seen in.

Distribution centers across New Eden raced to place orders for the new hull to replace their now-defunct Badgers and recruit new pilots on false promises of flying best looking industrial across the stars. This tactic paid off however and thousand of aspiring pilots were stuck working continuously for mining groups that never left the Solar System they operated in.

3 Likes

Change Marauder class to Bulwark class to more truthfully reflect their carebear design,

That way really cool name of Marauders can be applied to new class of ships that isn’t focused on l4 missions but rather on aggression and more importantly marauding not self tackling and immobility.

9 Likes

Quantum Flux Generator
System upgrade maintaining mass colliding abominations for local nullsec habitats.
This structure provides additional resources and trading routes to outerrim of New Eden.

Pottentialy very dangerous tool, might disrupt regional mining operations and cause death to capsuleers bringing too close to space anomalies generated by device.

Warrning this is very harmful to non-pvp vesseles located up to 10 jumps from this system upgrade.

1 Like

That is so true about the Marauders. I’m not sure they will let you win with that, but you have my vote!

1 Like

Small EMP Smartbomb
Radiates a ship encompassing sphere of EM damage which will most likely send that one annoying fleet-mate in an Atron back to his home station, job well done.

2 Likes

rename protein delicacies to “fried hamsters”

Trade goods : fried hamsters.

“This Minmatar delicacy first became common on republic ships that had been engaged in in fleet combat. It was found that the high temperatures of the ships computer systems during an engagement would transform the nearby stowaway pests into a tasty snack”

7 Likes

Miniature Slaver Hound

current desc: “For those not interested in the risk or effort of cultivating the vicious slaver hound, there is the miniature slaver: a small yappy-type dog bred from the physically and mentally stunted of the litter.

proposed desc: “A small, inbred slaver hound derived from many generations of breeding only the smallest and weakest of many litters. Also called “purser hounds” or “pursers” due to their primary use as companion animals and indoor pets by moneyed citizens across the cluster who can afford to replace their furniture frequently.

13 Likes

Janitor

Cleans up messes made by capsuleers. Will only work for elite structures such as keepstars and sotiyos because smaller stations don’t have that big of a mess. They get a one time salary and then work for free.

1 Like

X-Rated Holoreael

X-Rated Holo-Vid reels are a popular type of personal entertainment, especially in Gallente territories. These type of Holoreels are strictly forbidden in the Amarr Empire and Khanid Kingdom.

Holoreel players are extremely rare items and have yet to emerge in New Eden, since the Amarr Empire purchased everyone on all markets and contracts and ‘disposed’ of them claiming that ‘they shall not be allowed to corrupt the minds of Amarr citizens’, much to the disgust of the Gallente Federation citizens.

5 Likes

Jump Portal Generation Instructional Holoreel

The finer points of bridging your fleet, rather than jumping. Narrated by Oleena Natiras, veteran of the Battle of Asakai.

What Oleena negates to mention are the immortal words ‘Bridge, Don’t Jump’, to many a Titan Pilots surprise, when the wrong button is pressed.

6 Likes

Capital Remote Hull Repairer II

This improved variant of the capital remote hull repair module uses nano-assemblers to repair damage done to the hull of the Target ship a small fraction more efficiently than the Tech I variant. No additional skills are required to utilize it.

Due to the relative uselessness of remote hull repair as a means of logistics during combat, its use is highly discouraged.

Note: May only be fitted to capital class ships, but why would you?

1 Like

’Underhand’ Neutron Blaster Cannon I

“Need a hand?”

1 Like

Cargo Scanner

Analyze everything the careless capsuler is carrying. But it can also be used on date or relic sites.

Item directly related to gankers and pirates who may want to charge fees on the value of your cargo if you want to travel through ‘more or less’ safe territories.

"Never produce something that will be used against you in the future!" - Low Sec Miner - R.I.P.

1 Like

very goood

1 Like