“Military life was never for me… Guess that’s why I blew my chances of being in the Federal Navy and stuck to getting my hands dirty doing ‘odd’ jobs… Make money on my terms and not on the terms of some asshole with a shiny emblem on their uniform telling me to salute them when they walk past… Now will I say I never cared for stability? Nah, I’ve always liked the idea of waking up to a guaranteed paycheck, I just never wanted to bog myself down to being another body in a uniform to toss into a meat grinder… This gig being Suha’s bodyguard is my kind of speed. Easy with the occasional opportunity to bust someone’s head in… All while getting paid for it…”
- Felch Shador
“I’m gonna treat it like it’s none of my business.”
October 20th YC 125
6NJ8-V - Moon 6 - Guristas Production Shipyard, Dockside diner
“-So get this Felch… I say to them, right? I say - Thukker? I hardly knew her!”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“… I thought it was funny.”
“Yeah, the keyword there is ‘Thought’ and that tells me all I need to know.”
“You don’t gotta do me like that Felch.”
“I mean… Reks, You give me this entire convoluted story just so you can tell me you unironically said to someone ‘Thukker? I Hardly knew her.’ like a ■■■■■■■ werdio.”
“Well yeah-”
“-You could have just said ‘Thukker? I hardly knew her!’ with zero context and maybe could have gotten a chuckle out of me… No, you steal five minutes of my life away with fedoshit story used a layup to some cringe one-liner.”
“Now you’re just being overdramatic!”
“I’m being real with you! I’m never getting those five minutes back!”
“Well ■■■■ me! I’m sorry! Thought we were just sitting here, having breakfast together, shooting the ■■■■ before our shift. My mistake…”
“I agreed to this because you offered to pay for it.”
“I did! And I would assume in return, you would hear my jokes out….”
“…Mother-■■■■■■, you trying to start a career in stand up or something?”
“Maybe… Everyone needs a passion.”
“Just like how everyone needs a reality check…”
“Suha would’ve laughed at that!”
“Yeah, she’d giggle at it. Then immediately start talking ■■■■ about it when you’re not in earshot anymore.”
“She wouldn’t do that to me!”
“Yes she would-”
”-No!-”
“-She absolutely ■■■■■■■ would-”
“-She appreciates the humor I bring into her life!-
”-< Snort > Yeah, sure! Whatever you say Reks!”
“Prick… Alright, how much more time do we have before our shift?”
“We haaaave….Twenty-Seven minutes…”
“We should get moving then.”
“■■■■ that, my coffee just cooled down…”
“…W-What? You wait until your coffee is room temperature before you start drinking it?”
“Yeah! Maybe! Problem with that?”
“I mean, you’re calling me a weirdo…”
“Because you’re going around staying ‘Thukker? I Hardly knew her!’ to people like… Who the ■■■■ does that?!”
“You’re still on that?”
“Yeah! I am actually! Now let me drink my room temperature coffee, already! ■■■■.”
“The coffee I’m paying for?”
“Damn straight you’re paying for this! What? You’re gonna police my caffeine intake now because you’re footing the bill?
< “Ayo! Can ya’ll shut the ■■■■ up over there…?”
“… How’s about you slurp your ■■■■■■■ grits down and mind your own goddamn business?!”
< “Shut the ■■■■ up before I come over there and show you these size 14’!” >
“What? Too pussy to throw hands? Gonna show me your shoe collection instead?”
“Hey! My friend didn’t mean that! …Felch! You good!?”
“What is this now?”
“You’re just on edge… Blowing up at the slightest issue….Alright, fine. I told you a ■■■■ joke, my mistake. Why are you causing a scene now with pirates…?”
“…”
“…If you ain’t trying to talk about it-”
“-I…. I had to help Utatis out a week ago.”
“… Yeah?”
“Yeah he uh… Got shot? Somehow? In his own office…”
“… Really?”
“Yeah. He gets me in the horn, tells me to rush over - I get there - And he’s shot in the leg. Needed me to help him get to a doctor.”
“Who shot him?”
“I don’t know! He refused to say ■■■■… Like usual.”
“So someone just strolled into his office, shot him in the leg and… Left?”
“I… I don’t ■■■■■■■ know! Yeah! I guess that’s what happened! He owed some money to someone, I don’t ■■■■■■■ know.”
“… Huh.”
“Yeah! My thoughts exactly.”
“So… That’s got you on edge?”
“A bit more… Before that I had a shift where I was watching Suha meet with some contact… Uh…Some rep for an egger?”
“…Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought Suha wasn’t supposed to be speaking with Capsuleers?… What Utatis said…”
“I was under the impression that was specifically about not speaking to that egger she was ■■■■■■■… She didn’t even speak with an egger directly! Just some middleman…. I think? I dunno. A whole hour passes and this dude doesn’t show, I had to go piss because I was just standing there the whole ■■■■■■■ time… Suha lets me run off, I do. And just as I get back this grisly looking mother-■■■■■■ is just now walking off from where she was sitting and… She looked pale? Like she just saw her ancestors or some ■■■■…. Then she just pukes all over the table.”
“… Damn.”
“We get out of there and…She’s in a completely different universe the entire trip home. Just… Deep in thought. Says absolutely nothing to me… I think I tried telling her a joke at some point? Lighten the mood waiting for an elevator or something…. She just ■■■■■■■ glares me, right? Just stared directly into my soul with those big eyes of her… I just kept my mouth shut after that.”
“Must’ve not been a good joke.”
“Was better than your material!”
“Look, when I make it big and start selling out shows up and down the crystal boulevard, don’t be hitting me up asking for tickets.”
“Crystal boul- The only thing you’re gonna be selling out is a god damn cargo container drifting in space!”
“… Now that’s just uncalled for.”
“Whatever! You wanted to know why I’m on edge… it’s that! Something ain’t right…”
“You mention it to Thulun?”
“Thulun is a ■■■■■■■ idiot! A bigger idiot than you! What would I tell him?! The ■■■■ would he do?!”
“…”
“Exactly!”
“…You uh… You don’t think Suha shot him… Do you?”
“… Wasn’t my first guess… Suha and Utatis always seemed kinda tight. Now all of a sudden she’s blowing his legs out and leaving him to rot? Not something I’d think would happen…”
“Could it have something to do with that guy speaking with Suha? The one you saw coming back from your pissbreak.”
“… That would make sense, wouldn’t it?”
“See? I’m not that dumb!”
“No, you’re just a shitty comedian.”
“Ouch.”
“… Caught up in the middle of something right now. Not sure what.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“I’m gonna treat it like it’s none of my business.”
“Huh?”
“I get paid all the same… Don’t need to toss a good gig away losing my head over some conspiracy. “
“You were so agitated about it…”
“Yeah, I was. Guess I just needed to say it? I dunno. I just feel… Better about it.”
“Well… Glad I could help you vent?”
“If you wanna call it that, sure.”
“… Should we get going?”
“Yeah ■■■■ it, square us up and let’s delta.“
“Cheque please!”