Keep EVE Evil


(Abbot Jackson) #1

Dear C&P,

I have mildly lurked this board for several years, largely during unsubscribed periods of my life. I know a little bit; post with your primary character and don’t post chats (a dogma which should be discarded)… But this board is the part of the forums that I have the most respect for. I recognize some names here and there (largely due to other posters fellating them), and this board has demonstrated a degree of sophistication that warrants generally well-thought out posts from all who visit here.

The Carebear Ratio

I am of the opinion that EVE is driven by a simple process: 1) grown men cry; 2) other grown men record the crying; 3) the crying is uploaded to YouTube for additional grown men to laugh at; 4) even more grown men are attracted to the laughing at the crying and join the game to generate more crying to laugh at. From my unsubscribed perspective, the processes by which crying propagates have been under heavy barrage over the past few years. This assault on the very essence of EVE’s ethos has created the gay R*ddit-friendly poz party that we have now. However, for this natural order to be maintained, there also needs to be a steady stream of men who will be made to cry, known colloquially as “carebears”, joining and, indeed, thriving in New Eden.

A few years into my (now dormant) EVE career, I began to peruse the Old Forums, back from 2003-2010 (can’t remember the exact date that they switched to the recently discarded forums). Looking through the old threads, I realized: the struggle between griefers and carebears is the story of EVE. In my studies, I learned of an old corporation called “Masters of Ownage”, Mo0, that terrorized miners and carebears in the early days. A pilot called TankCEO was the subject of a considerable number of threads for two years straight. And it goes on and on. New griefers emerge, carebears complain, the griefer leaves the game. The cycle never ends. And the trend remains the same: player power is reined in by CCP, slowly making EVE more marketable to a traditional MMO consumer base. The slope of this trend is easily calculable:

(No Watchlist minus Using Lag to Get Kills) / 2017 minus 2003 = +9001 gay carebear participation points per year

It wasn’t until recently that I discovered that the Watchlist had been removed from the game. What a blow to the evil, villainous playstyle! What a restriction to this miraculous social experiment of a game! What a deviant mutation of a beautiful model of human behavior! And I focus on this just because it illustrates the crux of CCP’s coordinated crusade against a form of gameplay that gives EVE its mystique; this nerf is one among many. Rampant wardec evasion, something that should be a 100% bannable offense, has turned High-Sec into a playpen. “Numbnuttery” and douching in High-Sec has been so restricted that it has forced thousands to a career of Suicide Ganking (And God Bless Them For It). Citadels, from what I hear, do not drop their contents, instead teleporting them to safe spaces. This problem is not unique to High-Sec either. Territory cannot be established in Low-Sec and feuds are not generating. In Nullsec, alliances stash great hoards of resources, and their conflicts are dictated by embarrassing R*ddit gayness. Entosis-sov is silly and pointless, leaving entire regions empty and barren.

The Permanent Solution to the Carebear Problem

So who is to blame? Some blame shekel-counting CCP stakeholders. Some blame developer incompetence. Others blame the market itself, saying that MMO’s are on the decline…

I blame EVE culture. We have become weak, fattened by age and cynicism and R*ddit [I am in my early twenties and I am positive and I have never gone on that website, so really I mean YOU not WE]. Radical changes to your attitudes towards carebears and new players need to occur.

Carebear, CCP and R*ddit Hate

You need to be MEANER to carebears and noobs. Fill them with revulsion at your behavior. Be repugnant. Make them sickened by your lack of empathy and your bitterness and hatred. Increase all forms of vile rhetoric and vocabulary. The n-word should be the first word that carebears see in local chat. Berate and degrade all of them constantly. The ratio is off balance. All ties to carebears, no matter how intimate must be cut off. CCP should also be shamed. All CCP content should be disliked and besmirched with foul, anti-new player language. CCP employees should be admonished and belittled. All ideas proposed to us by CCP should be shouted down with cries for fully lootable Citadels and a 5-Free Wardecs a Week policy. People who post on R*ddit should be shunned and ridiculed. Big alliances should be outed as the Human-Centipede Pyramid Schemes they are.

This is the only way that EVE will be saved. CCP will not listen to you. PERMANENT CAREBEAR REMOVAL is the only solution.

tl;dr read it all babe, i’m a pretty amazing writer


(Divad Mahdits) #2

tl;dr: waaaaaah carebear waaaaaaaaah i can’t make people cry waaaaah


(Wolfgang Jannesen) #3

So… What? You going to start suicide ganking in hisec or what’s your point here?


(Lena Crews) #4

Uhh… your conclusion doesn’t follow from your evidence.

Your numbered explanation begins with:

  1. Grown men cry.

In order to have that… Carebears are necessary. If nobody is crying because everyone is not a carebear… Eve dies.

It sounds like a more logical conclusion if you assume your entire post is correct… is to get more carebears and keep them here… while not limiting the ability to make them cry. Not to get rid of them… that ends the salty food chain like eliminating all plants on earth would kill the real food chain.


(Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri) #5

Being HIV-positive in your early twenties isn’t something one brags about, OP.

Go back to /b/ before you’ve infected someone here.


(Nana Skalski) #6

You are a troll, nothing else.


(Abbot Jackson) #7

tl;dr: waaaaaah carebear waaaaaaaaah i can’t make people cry waaaaah

do you think eve isn’t fuueld by emotion? or are you pleased with the state of the game today?


(Abbot Jackson) #8

So… What? You going to start suicide ganking in hisec or what’s your point here?

I’m unsubbed. I’m just going to do my best to give EVE a bad name until CCP adjusts their vision. They’ll come around soon.


(Abbot Jackson) #10

Being HIV-positive in your early twenties isn’t something one brags about, OP.

I’m not going to let you shame me. Please respect my truth. Also you’d be surprised; I lived in Hollywood for a year… Poz pride is a thing…The Pozzing goes deep… Your opinion is irrelevant until you’ve given your neg-boipucci the gift.

Go back to /b/ before you’ve infected someone here.

not sure what that means, but I hope I infect more people here, because i’m the only bringing REAL solutions to REAL problems.


(Lena Crews) #11

Oh… you’re an alpha then.

We don’t pay attention to Alphas.


(Abbot Jackson) #12

You are a troll, nothing else.

I don’t see why you guys are so content with the state of the game. CCP isn’t going to listen to you… It’s up to you to even out the Carebear Ratio… That’s all I’m saying.


(Abbot Jackson) #14

I don’t have EVE online installed on my computer.


(Linus Gorp) #15


(Abbot Jackson) #16

hahahaha! i’m glad you like my approach!


(Lady Ayeipsia) #17

Ask Greedy Goblin how well that did. He still occasionally disses EVE in his blog and it’s made no impact at all. One lone dissenter isn’t going to make anyone change.


(Divad Mahdits) #18

The carebears are our rulers now. And I revel in your butthurt. Doesn’t feel too good, does it not?


(Abbot Jackson) #19

I mean it’s just EVE’s niche changing, and it’s a pity. Fortunately there is a single competitor (Mortal Online) that has been happily stealing Eve players for years. They gladly put MORE power in players hands and embrace their status as a PvP MMO.

But yeah… have fun with the Scarlet Harvest or whatever


(Linus Gorp) #20

I was intrigued and looked it up. Doesn’t even have spaceships and you call that a competitor?


(Divad Mahdits) #23

+1 for sickest burn of 2018


(Mobadder Thworst) #25

The state of highsec is the state of eve. Boast about low sec all you want. It’s a damn mini-game.

I agree with the OP. Highsec has turned into tutorial land that 70% of the population plays in forever.

Eve needs to go back evil. I don’t play as evil a character as he does… but we need bad guys.

Dark and gritty has slowly turned into dull and generally safe. I don’t log in for that.

My space opera needs bad-guys.