DATELINE CALDARI PRIME. SCIENCE ET INTERNATIONALE RELATIONS.
Darlings.
It has been many years since the Shiigeru tragedy mortally wounded Caldari Prime. Beyond the unimaginable human costs of that terrible day, and the catastrophic economic damages incurred by all parties, we have been forced to witness, in horror, the ongoing poisoning of a once barren ice world’s artificial biosphere. Let us never forget that Caldari Prime stands as both a masterpiece of ancient engineering, and as a testament to human resolve. We must acknowledge those pitiful subcontractors, who toiled in the partially completed tunnels of a terraforming endeavor, when our Cluster’s precursor calamity transpired. Those pitiful subcontractors not only managed to eke out a subsistence on a half-transformed planet, but went on to found the Raata Empire.
It is one of the great stories of our collective human experience.
More recently, however, a twenty kilometer tube of complex alloys, weapons of mass destruction, and incomprehensible power generation facilities disintegrated in Caldari Prime’s atmosphere on one last, final approach to terrain. During that quasi controlled descent, vast quantities of toxic dust dispersed through the upper atmosphere.
As heavy dusts drifted down, they accumulated in the precipitation parabolas of high mountain peaks.
During Caldari Prime’s few weeks of summer slushy season, every year, torrents of toxic ice surge down canyons. Settling in river mud and lake beds, heavy metals and radioactive isotopes eradicated many alpine species outright. Seeping into the root systems of diverse flora, these metals, predominantly, either destroyed the bottom of the food chain, or transformed vegetation into a lethal salad for grazing animals, berry-eating birds - and the carnivores that preyed upon them.
I should mention this was not the case with my giant metal eating mushrooms.
But there were no giant metal eating mushrooms on the slopes of the Kaalakiota Range. Authorities declined my proposal to treat the Shiigeru catastrophe with widespread bioremediative methods, for fear of contaminating the planet’s entirely artificial biosphere. Even if authorities had possessed more foresight, however, it would have been too late for the already endangered Kaalakiota bison.
That noble beast, weighing in at a cool twelve hundred kilograms, has sadly gone extinct in the wild.
Yes, some zoologists managed to sustain a few specimens in captivity.
I, however, was fully cognizant of the futility of such efforts, and have been recombining combinatorial recombinants furiously for years. It pleases me to announce that my Kaalakiota Bison Breeding Facility, on Great Frozen Tekkojaarvu’s Kuousimaa Peninsula, has succeeded beyond all expectations in the preservation of this iconic animal.
A greatly improved beast, weighing in at twenty-one hundred kilograms, this creature is not only highly resistant to toxic shocks, but nearly impervious to cellular damage caused by fast moving subatomic particles.
Furthermore, the Kaalakiota Noh bison is damn near able to eat rocks, while still itself tasting absolutely delicious. Consequently, the poisoned artificial biosphere of a formerly barren ice world is now capable of providing the cluster with an ideal agricultural solution for barren and frozen worlds throughout our great Federation.
While other candidates search for cooties, I, Gosakumori Noh, abstract theologian, recent immigrant, and humble presidential aspirant, shall not endeavor merely to manage our vibrant civilization and entertain its populace. I shall provide it with the vision to rise above constraints placed upon it by a corrupt, self-serving elite - and to prosper!
