Apocryphal Patch Notes – Q4 2025: “Return of the Living Game”
“In an effort to reinvigorate player activity, stimulate conflict, and address long-standing stagnation in Nullsec, we are initiating a bold reimagining of the EVE sandbox.”
Unnamed Developer, allegedly under duress
Nullsec Sunset Initiative
- All sovereign Nullsec space will be phased out over a 6-month “Collapse Cycle.”
- Stargates leading to Null will flicker, destabilize, and eventually become dead zones.
- Existing citadels in Null will enter a decay state, transforming into PvE mini-dungeons.
- Wormhole activity spikes across New Eden as space tries to “heal.”
Relocation Incentives
- All assets in Null will be randomly relocated to lowsec stations.
If you had ten supers, you now have ten hangar tokens and one moral lesson. - Legacy alliances receive three commemorative medals:
“We Held Nothing, We Gained Everything.”
“Blue, Like the Sky”
“Bridge Troll”
Dynamic Lowsec Conflict Zones
- CONCORD has “recalibrated aggression protocols” to allow free-for-all PvP in low and highsec under new escalation rules.
- Gatecamping is now a career path.
- New dynamic resource system: The more blood spilled, the better the ore.
Frequently Quoted Reactions
“I haven’t logged in since BR5 - I’m actually excited again.”
Jita_Local_47
“Finally, the dream of FW Titans is alive.”
MinmatarRP_69
“My entire alliance moved to Tash-Murkon and we’re fighting over moons like it’s 2008. It’s beautiful.”
ExNullBear
From Beyond the Patch Notes
“This is what I would have done if they hadn’t locked the forums and my dev blog access.”
Definitely not written by a Falcon, or a Ghost
[Developer Note]
Nullsec was a sandbox.
Then it became a spreadsheet.
Then it became a couch.
We’re just taking the couch to the curb.
capsuleer_1138
“You can’t have emergent gameplay without actual emergence.”
So what if… Nullsec Just Didn’t Exist?
Let’s just be honest:
There simply aren’t enough people playing anymore. Log in, look around - Nullsec is a ghost town with an API.
And yet it’s the sacred cow. We’ve got over 80% nullsec alliance CSM reps steering the game into eternal boredom, clinging to outdated mechanics like it’s still 2013. Fleets blue-donut each other to death, krabbing is industrialised to the point of parody, an Ansiblex system.. don’t get me started, and most PvP is done by timers and Discord pings like the fries station at your local McDonalds.
If we really wanted to fix Null, we’d start by unplugging the Ansiblex cartel. These are trollbooths tollbooths for empires that don’t fight, logistics lines for alliances that farm, and escape routes for people who can’t say ‘gf’ unless they’re 5 jumps out. Everytime you use an Ansiblex, you pay rent to a corpse that hasn’t undocked in weeks. At this point, they should just reskin them as Concord retirement tunnels.
So here’s the idea… bear with me:
Just get rid of Nullsec.
Yeah. Flatten it. Boom. Gone.
Take all that empty, boring space and force everyone back into high and lowsec.
Imagine it - pirates, factions, industry, wormholes, FW, mercs - all alive again. A galaxy with conflict. Actual scarcity, actual danger, and better yet: actual content!
So this is your wake-up ping.
Nullsec is over.
We’re in lowsec now, where the fights are real, the ore is soaked in blood, and no one needs a ping to die.
Collapse is coming.
See you in Tama.