Excerpts from an interview in Sede Vacante magazine — official newspaper of the Amarrian Orthodox Church, Sedevacantist — with Fr. Sharar Shagdar on his efforts to convert the Neopians of MHC-R3, Orbital Ring.
Tell us about the Neopians.
Their homeworld is somewhere in wormhole space. How they got there, no one knows. What we do know is that they aren’t quite humans. They aren’t even quite subhumans. They’ve been hybridized with cats and dogs. They have tails and pointy ears. And that isn’t even the most animal thing about them.
How so?
The Neopians are the most oversexed population in all of New Eden. They’re like animals in a permanent state of rut. Transparent clothing everywhere. Dominance displays. There’s even something in the air that makes people want to mate; we’ve already had to send one missionary home for inappropriate behavior. One of their leaders, @Lauralite_Anne_Brezia, runs an escort service.
Doesn’t sound like the ideal environment to spread sedevacantism.
Due to one reason I haven’t mentioned yet, it is actually the perfect place to spread sedevacantism, and our leader Nauplius has made the Neopians the #1 priority mission field. Just like dogs and cats, the Neopians don’t have one or two kids at a time — they have litters. So for each lady — did I mention the Neopians are kind of sort of all women — who converts we can get like eight new sedevacantist babies every year. We just have to find those are are dissatisfied, exhausted, or otherwise not fitting in with the continuous sexual competition of Neopian life and show them the better way of monogamy and stability offered by sedevacantism.
What other challenges have you faced?
We’re getting opposition from these probably illegal AIs the Neopians have running some things. But here, too, is opportunity. We’ve redirected our adversarial preaching against these AIs, trying to whip up hatred against them. We’re telling people that instead of being “slaves” to probably illegal AIs, they should be managers and supervisors over Minmatar slaves. Always create and exploit divisions in society, that’s what our leader Nauplius always tells us to do.
Best of luck converting these heathens.
Thank you, Sede Vacante, Amen.