Achura Nichinichi Shinbun, YC122 05 16
The Geisha’s Dojo
Chou-Sama,
I am a capsuleer in the Gallente Militia, and I suffer from a terrible dilemma. As you are surely aware, Strike Commander Diana Kim of the Caldari Militia submitted herself to public lashing a few months ago. My dilemma is that, ever since I watched the holo on GalNet, I haven’t been able to face those wretched Templis CALSF in battle. Every time Commander Kim is on-grid I can’t help but to picture being tied up, and her goose-stepping up to me in her militia uniform and extinguishing a cigarette butt on my naked same. More than once I’ve dropped the logi chain as a result of this distraction. What should I do?
Signed: Smitten in GalMilistan
Dear Smitten,
Were I an author of romantic pulp fiction, I would advise you to resign your commission and run, why, warp to Commander Kim and submit to her discipline. However, in the real world, we all know the Commander has no patience for traitors, even those whose treason would benefit her. Moreover, she can probably not distinguish domination from torture, which she is averse to. So, were you to follow the dramatic course of action, you would be liable to find yourself dishonoured at home and turned away by the subject of your fantasies. Instead, I suggest that you take a cold shower immediately before immersing in your pod to prepare for each fleet. Also, please delete any holos featuring the Commander from your neocom and instruct Aura to block future GalNet searches for her.
Signed: Madama Chou