2022.07.28
LIRSAUTTON V, EVERYSHORE
Piety and bewilderment have greeted the opening of the Amarrian Orthodox Church, Sedevacantist’s first shrine on the Jin-Mei homeworld of Lirsautton V. The “Shrine of Our Lady of the Blessed Hips” features the remains of capsuleer Faith Griffiths, revered among the sedevacantists for a waist-to-hip ratio that they believe could only be the result of divine intervention. Prefabricated off-site in anticipation of the day when the church would obtain Ms. Griffiths’ remains, the final assembly of the shrine began immediately after the daring theft of Ms. Griffiths’ entombed body from its resting place in a Naga V crypt, a heist for which the Church has yet to claim responsibility.
A golden, towering construction with a square floor plan, the shrine features four entrances, one each for the three Jin-Mei castes plus a fourth for foreigners. After entering, pilgrims proceed to the center of the shrine, where Ms. Griffiths’ vertically oriented, unclothed remains slowly rotate, encased in three layers of security glass and inert gas. When the shrine is closed, the entire housing descends below ground. According to Church officials, no one on site has keys to access the Griffiths enclosure. On the walls of the shrine, stained glass windows attest to miracles performed by Ms. Griffiths, depicting the curing of illnesses by her bumping the sick with her hips.
The opening of the shrine was modestly attended by the sedevacantist faithful and other curious visitors. Some women prayed at the base of the relics for a healthy pregnancy. But one Amarrian tourist was unimpressed. “There’s no such thing as a ‘future saint’”, he said. “This lady is still alive. And doesn’t she have a Minmatar boyfriend?” Reached for comment, spokesperson Calyce Io for the Amarrian Orthodox Church, Sedevacantist replied that the story of Ms. Griffiths’ life is not yet complete and her conversion to sedevacantism and future miracles remain ahead of her. Ms. Io pointed to the sedevacantist film The Scent of Faith as a possible future for Ms. Griffiths. The spokesperson evaded responsibility for the removal of Ms. Griffiths’ remains from Naga, saying that capsuleers leave corpses of themselves all over the place and an active market exists for their acquisition.