Was King Khanid II assailed by time-travelling regicidal criminals?

Baffling news reached Gutter Press today, from the Khanid Kingdom, where a historian from Khitaled claims that King Khanid II was attacked on several occasions by one or more time-travelling criminals !

Non-Linear !

The historian, giving their name as Shafra Aberata, claimed that while going through image archives from King Khanid II’s reign, that on several occasions where a disturbance in the crowd occurred, the same handful of people were present, despite those occasions being decades apart !

Time Travel !

“It was very odd, I was looking at some wide-angle images from various important occasions, including some from the coronation, when I noticed a disturbance in part of the crowd, and near the disturbance was a particular figure”, said Ms. Aberata. “Then I saw the same figure again in a later image, which I only noticed because I had both images visible at the same time, so then I went looking further, and found the same figure on at least 6 occasions.”

Doppelganger !

Ms. Aberata then went on to show the figure that was apparently present on all those occasions, which was revealed to be a slim, dark-skinned woman of Sebiestor appearance. “It was particularly odd, because people of that appearance have never been particularly common in Khanid space”, said Ms. Aberata.

Temponaut !

Gutter Press agents then presented Ms. Aberata with a series of mugshots of various dark-skinned slim Sebiestor women, and she positively identified one individual as the person present in all the images, a conclusion matched to 99.3% by face-recognition software. The individual apparently present on multiple occasions up to 300 years in the past, was none other than infamous pirate and PIE deserter, capsuleer Samira Kernher !

Regicide !

A Gutter Press agent contacted Ms. Kernher, and asked if she was in fact a time-travelling regicidal criminal, to which Ms. Kernher replied: “No. And you can quote me on that !”.

Mystery !

The question remains, if the attempted regicidal criminal wasn’t Samira Kernher, will it be Samira Kernher in the future ?

Paradox !

Gutter Press News. Reporting on things that happened. Or will.


Well, that would explain Alar Chakaid’s attack on Samira’s family and all that. Retribution against a criminal who… no wait, that makes no sense at all.


My main takeaway from this is that someone thinks of Samira Kernher as “dark-skinned.”

I consider that newsworthy.

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Compared to me, she is.

This is true. But not everyone will have that point of view.

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Just checking in.



I did not say this. You asked if you could quote me. I said yes. But I did not say these words. Do not put ■■■■■■■ words in my mouth.

Consider any future requests denied.

This is utter slander. I did not desert PIE. I tendered a resignation and left with the full knowledge and consent of my commanders. Nor am I a pirate except in the capacity that all privateers working for the faction militias could be called such.

… uh, okay? So apparently I am not only a ‘pirate and deserter’, but I’m also white.


You are darker than me, I think. Anyway, Gutter Press has clearly caught you in the most wretched malfeasance, so it hardly matters how much sun you’ve had.

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Could you do me a favor? Two years ago Friday, I lost an identification book and cost myself nearly a week trying to organize the proper paperwork to leave a Caldari mining operation via conventional transit. I missed an excellent game I had tickets for.

Let me know where I left it? And don’t spoil the ending of the game?


I’ll see what I can do.


Clearly, you are fairer-skinned than I am. Or perhaps only fairer-SKIN’d. I mean, I’ve seen some of the golden stuff you use. Much brighter than my Sebiestor Hel SKIN.


Shirley Serious is the greatest reporter for the greatest news outlet in New Eden; I’m sure she was in the right and you were in the wrong.

Shirley Serious and Gutter Press are so bad they make other tabloids look like legitimate news organizations.


I’m lighter than you, so by this logic, I’m albino.

Also, this is a joke that went a little too far thanks to a couple of individuals assuming that I’m serious, which no one should ever do unless I begin a message with “Corovid Industries.”

Obviously. PIE is for dessert, not desert. A common error.

See what I mean? Never serious here.

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Arrendis is objectively light-skinned. As am I, for that matter, but that’s not important right now.
Samira is objectively dark-skinned.
Seraphea is objectively very dark-skinned.

I’m not sure why there is A PROBLEM here.


Because you insist on capitalizing random-ish words?