Was King Khanid II assailed by time-travelling regicidal criminals?

Fiction Portal Intergalactic Summit
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Baffling news reached Gutter Press today, from the Khanid Kingdom, where a historian from Khitaled claims that King Khanid II was attacked on several occasions by one or more time-travelling criminals !

Non-Linear !

The historian, giving their name as Shafra Aberata, claimed that while going through image archives from King Khanid II’s reign, that on several occasions where a disturbance in the crowd occurred, the same handful of people were present, despite those occasions being decades apart !

Time Travel !

“It was very odd, I was looking at some wide-angle images from various important occasions, including some from the coronation, when I noticed a disturbance in part of the crowd, and near the disturbance was a particular figure”, said Ms. Aberata. “Then I saw the same figure again in a later image, which I only noticed because I had both images visible at the same time, so then I went looking further, and found the same figure on at least 6 occasions.”

Doppelganger !

Ms. Aberata then went on to show the figure that was apparently present on all those occasions, which was revealed to be a slim, dark-skinned woman of Sebiestor appearance. “It was particularly odd, because people of that appearance have never been particularly common in Khanid space”, said Ms. Aberata.

Temponaut !

Gutter Press agents then presented Ms. Aberata with a series of mugshots of various dark-skinned slim Sebiestor women, and she positively identified one individual as the person present in all the images, a conclusion matched to 99.3% by face-recognition software. The individual apparently present on multiple occasions up to 300 years in the past, was none other than infamous pirate and PIE deserter, capsuleer Samira Kernher !

Regicide !

A Gutter Press agent contacted Ms. Kernher, and asked if she was in fact a time-travelling regicidal criminal, to which Ms. Kernher replied: “No. And you can quote me on that !”.

Mystery !

The question remains, if the attempted regicidal criminal wasn’t Samira Kernher, will it be Samira Kernher in the future ?

Paradox !

Gutter Press News. Reporting on things that happened. Or will.

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Well, that would explain Alar Chakaid’s attack on Samira’s family and all that. Retribution against a criminal who… no wait, that makes no sense at all.

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My main takeaway from this is that someone thinks of Samira Kernher as “dark-skinned.”

I consider that newsworthy.

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Compared to me, she is.

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This is true. But not everyone will have that point of view.

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Just checking in.

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Seconded.

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I did not say this. You asked if you could quote me. I said yes. But I did not say these words. Do not put ■■■■■■■ words in my mouth.

Consider any future requests denied.

This is utter slander. I did not desert PIE. I tendered a resignation and left with the full knowledge and consent of my commanders. Nor am I a pirate except in the capacity that all privateers working for the faction militias could be called such.

… uh, okay? So apparently I am not only a ‘pirate and deserter’, but I’m also white.

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You are darker than me, I think. Anyway, Gutter Press has clearly caught you in the most wretched malfeasance, so it hardly matters how much sun you’ve had.

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Clearly.

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Could you do me a favor? Two years ago Friday, I lost an identification book and cost myself nearly a week trying to organize the proper paperwork to leave a Caldari mining operation via conventional transit. I missed an excellent game I had tickets for.

Let me know where I left it? And don’t spoil the ending of the game?

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I’ll see what I can do.

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Clearly, you are fairer-skinned than I am. Or perhaps only fairer-SKIN’d. I mean, I’ve seen some of the golden stuff you use. Much brighter than my Sebiestor Hel SKIN.

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Shirley Serious is the greatest reporter for the greatest news outlet in New Eden; I’m sure she was in the right and you were in the wrong.

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Shirley Serious and Gutter Press are so bad they make other tabloids look like legitimate news organizations.

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I’m lighter than you, so by this logic, I’m albino.

Also, this is a joke that went a little too far thanks to a couple of individuals assuming that I’m serious, which no one should ever do unless I begin a message with “Corovid Industries.”

Obviously. PIE is for dessert, not desert. A common error.

See what I mean? Never serious here.

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:roll_eyes:

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:dealwithitparrot:

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Arrendis is objectively light-skinned. As am I, for that matter, but that’s not important right now.
Samira is objectively dark-skinned.
Seraphea is objectively very dark-skinned.

I’m not sure why there is A PROBLEM here.

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Because you insist on capitalizing random-ish words?