Why I left EVE Online as a 45 year old veteran player

Hi Capsuleers,

I write this to you to hopefully get some valuable information from my story for you in what you want to do with the way you are involved with EVE Online. If anything you could maybe learn from my mistakes as I have made many.

Let me breeze through the boring but necessary part: I’ve been playing this game intensely for approximately 8 years now with a character called badasskitty and some others which I sold in December 2019. From that point I’ve been trying to get back into the game mostly involved with Roleplay with Alpha characters playing as a sexy spacegal in Fashion and High Sec Trading (in female apparel).

With the Free to Play model you can have a good and enjoyable feel for the game although having said that you will also never experience where the true strength from this game lies: Omega gameplay. At first I felt mostly freed from no longer being obligated to pay to play and pay your dues by committing and bonding through teamplay in corporation and alliance efforts if anything I am here to tell you only a handful of people can stay unattached as soloplayers as I also tried to have the game work for me: guess what I failed. I became a lonely drifting bitter old man pretending to still feel at home and integrated in the Eve community mostly catfishing as they call it or seeking attention by making my characters sexy and inviting. As such I quickly got into excusing and explaining my gameplay cosplaying as a girl with people second guessing my true intend as it seemed so foolish and maybe even a bit disturbing. The fact that I was never part of any corporation or group in the game made people even more uncomfortable.

As a veteran player I sometimes felt bored of the game so I wanted to have fun doing and saying silly stuff in high sec or on the forums. Often I got reported for breaking yet another rule in the game, I got banned for life from the forums for repeated offenses and many times did I have to recreate yet another character because of destroying my reputation with a former character. This new gimped experience is now forever the game experience I have. I can not be part of the eve community because mostly I feel like I have simply caused too much damage to my reputation as a customer of the game. I’ve tried to reach out to Customer Service but I got even told to maybe consider not returning to the game but as I felt my rights trampled upon I was of course stubborn to take the man’s advice. Why don’t you just leave the game for good?

After yet another half year of lurking in the back, mostly keeping to myself with alpha characters trying to have fun with my girls (the characters are all modelled the same as I cosplay with them): I come to the realization that I am no longer able to enjoy EVE Online in the Free to Play model but can also not go back to a Omega Pay to Play game experience simply because for a veteran player the game simply doesn’t have no excitement to offer because I probably did everything there is to do in the game. From May 2009 up until now (almost 12 years) I have had a lot of fun with EVE Online. I want to thank all those that made it possible for me to have probably the most fun in a game I’ve ever experienced.

If you are like me or similar, don’t be. Like I said I made a lot of mistakes and one of the biggest ones I made many years ago when I thought that after the “Great” Fountain War I should have another go at the game. I was wrong and I regret it dearly as I was unable to admit my game addiction, unable to recognize that I was depressed and lonely and wasted too much time, money and effort pretending I was still having fun with Eve Online, mostly without any friends. I got kicked out of Dreddit, Test Alliance Please Ignore) (2016) back then and I wasted 5 years of my life proving to myself that they were wrong. They were right.

I hope that this reaches anyone that might be in a similar state of mind. The forumpost will probably very quickly be hidden for upsetting the gaming community but I can at least tell myself that I have tried to reach someone out there who is also hopelessly lost and in denial.

Having said all this, I have uninstalled the client with no accounts or characters currently in game. Fly safe and Godspeed, Capsuleers :kissing_heart:

Tl;dr: Old veteran Eve player realizes he should have taken a hint and seek professional help for his game addiction and his personality disorder. Warns others not to fall into the same trap.

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Everyone struggles with loneliness at one point or another in their life, it’s truer for men than it is for women but it is also true for some women, and even some children. There isn’t, or shouldn’t be, any shame in admitting to one’s self that one is struggling with it. What’s important is what you do about it, and denying it doesn’t do any good. I’m glad you’ve come to realize those things you’ve posted, that’s very positive.
Personality, amongst many other things, plays a role in that as well. Some people hardly ever feel lonely and are able to go years living alone while having maybe 1 friend or none at all and it doesn’t phase them, even if their past actions are the cause of their loneliness, which is often the case and when it isn’t, it’s their attitude that is the cause while mental illness, although a cause as well, is beyond the purview of my post as I am not qualified to comment on such a thing.
I’m glad you’re seeking professional help for your personality disorder and hope you realise you are your worst enemy, as are we all to one degree or another.
I’m leaving this link here in the hopes it may help you. This forum is populated with very well-intentioned guys and gals who will do their best to make you feel welcome and will give all sorts of good advice to get past that feeling of loneliness and maybe help you get to a point where your loneliness can be manageable and maybe turned into something positive because even though loneliness has negative connotations, it can be used in a positive manner, especially when someone’s personality disorder leads them to self abuse such as gaming or chemical addiction, substance abuse and so on…

Also, I think you might’ve put this thread in Out of Pod Experience, not sure.

Good luck.

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Moved to the appropriate section.

ISD Bahamut

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