Defective product


I want to make aware that I had purchased the following product, and found it to be woefully underwhelming and defective.

The product in question is the “Julian Flavours Slippin’ Love Slide.”

Right out of the box, the female hose connector was not machined correctly and does not interface with standard hose technology. A quick welding fix, and I had it hooked up, unrolled and ready for some slip ‘n slide action.

That was, until I actually used it. When I hit the splash pool at the end of the slide, the cheap plastic ripped apart. Like, totally shreaded to bits.

I give this product a 1/5 star rating.

I’ve been trying to return it, but their return policy has almost as good bureaucratic red tape as the State Complaint Department for mismanaging managers.


Defective Products are A Serious Matter.


What is a ‘slip and slide’ and what were you using it for, sir?


As it’s a Julian Flavours product, I’d presume ‘love’.


A couple of blokes and I made a bet. We were going to time ourselves and take the average of three slides. Whoever had the longest time had to pay out.

Essentially we turned it into a gambling game.


That’s a lesson: never buy gallente goods!
Every product they do, we can make it better.


Firstly @Ax_l_Thorne I would like to personally apologise for this horrible horrible experience, I hope your friends paid out your winnings on being the one to make an attempt and therefore winning the bet.

But secondly I will have a shipment of the all the latest products of Doctor Spice sent to you free of charge1.

Just as it sounds my handsome Henrik. You allow liquids to run down it, making it slippery and then slide down it.

I await the official Strike (Commander) Slip’n’Slide to be in stores soon™ then?
1. Minus shipping charge


First of all, I am a soldier, not a manufacturer.
And second, I don’t have a specification for a product. Heck, I don’t even have an idea what it supposed to do!

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It sounds…innocent enough, Strike Commander. Besides, if the men are going to be using these things for a bit of harmless gambling, they may as well be using a Caldari-themed one. Perhaps there is a business opportunity here?

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Think of the profit though? How best to cool the hard working people of the State than a Slip’n’Slide. And why not put some kinetic thingy-ma-jiggy underneath so you can generate power?!

  1. Slip’n’Slide
  2. Renewable Energy
  3. Profit
  4. ???
  5. Love

100% there is! Care to invest my Hunky Henrik?

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I am unsure. If you draft a full business proposal for whatever-this-thing-is, I will consent to letting you pitch it in front of my Board, so long as it promotes wholesome Caldari virtues.

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The real challenge with consumer-grade party ephemera is that they aren’t always rated for the weight, material, and possibly texture of the extensive cybernetics we capsuleers often have.

It doesn’t help with spur-of-the-moment bets, but remember:

Always use capsuleer-grade equipment.

Even slip-and-slides and prophylactics.


I have no idea what a prophylactic has to do with a slip ‘n slide.

Enlighten me.

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they both have to be built to higher standards, if the user is a capsuleer rather than a stock human. Or something.

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Exterminate the defective product, slip and slides are works of the Doctor!


Oh, I pretty much did. When the plastic splash pool failed to stop my fat ass.


I still don’t see specifications.

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I mean it’s a sort of a physical sport played together, isn’t it? That’s an easy pitch. Fun group activity that physical courage, full-body motor control, and camaraderie.

I’ll take a share if you use that, thanks.


And it involves usually-cold water, so you can work the cold endurance theme into it for extra Caldariosity.


Something something winds?

You know what, after this conversation I can’t think of anything more Caldari than a slip n slide. You’d just need different levels of them like ‘Executive’, ‘Corporate’ and ‘Business’.

They’d all be the exact same product but the instructions differ. At the ‘Business’ level you have to assemble it yourself. The ‘Corporate’ level the instructions tell you how to tell someone else to make it for you. And the ‘Executive’ level includes someone to read the instructions out, someone to put it together and a third person to tell you what a great idea purchasing a slip n slide was.